By Mike Luce
This week, the College Football Report celebrates Thanksgiving with a special double issue. While you sit at your desk for one more day or recline on the couch later in the week, we expect you will have at about twice as much time for CFR as normal. Provided you can free up a few minutes in between jobs on Mafia Wars.
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In addition to busting at our digital seams with added content, we also would like to take a moment to express our thanks. We love college football. We love talking about (for entertainment purposes only) gambling on college football. So, thank you, college football. What would our Saturdays (and Thursdays, and sometimes Wednesdays and Fridays) be without you? In particular, we would like to thank the following . . .
Teams:
The University of Connecticut Huskies
Thank you for ridding the world of Charlie Weis. At least for now. Late in the game against Navy on November 7, NBC flashed to Coach Weis, swigging from a water bottle on the sidelines. A trickle of water escaped his lips, dribbled down his chin, and spattered his grey sweatshirt/muumuu. And I threw up in my mouth a little. Only appropriate, as Weis and his arrogance have sickened me for years.
Last Saturday, the Huskies arrived in South Bend to face Notre Dame for the first time in school history. UConn football joined Division IA (now the “FBS”) in 2000 and the Big East in 2004. Head coach Randy Edsall took over in 1999 and led the Huskies to consecutive bowls in 2007-08. This season, however, Edsall’s team came into the game against the Irish with a 4-5 record.
UConn never played scared. The Huskies took it to the Irish, racking up 231 yards rushing and ultimately triumphed in the second overtime. The future for Weis, which looked bleak after two straight losses to Navy and Pittsburgh, is now crystal clear. He will have plenty of time to polish his resume and eat crow.
TCU and Boise State
First, allow me to knock on wood, throw some salt over my shoulder, and cross my fingers. (Note: the latter makes typing difficult.) Okay, now . . .
Thank you for helping to discredit the BCS. As we have discussed before, we can only hope for a change to the formula. We will have to wait years for a playoff system to emerge.
But for now, even casual fans will have to wonder why neither school will be allowed a shot at the national championship. TCU (#4 in the BCS this week) and Boise State (#6) have a bit of work to do but will likely finish among the top eight. While most projections place both in BCS bowls as “at large” teams, what should we think if Boise beats Iowa? Or if TCU pulls out a win against a team like Alabama? Then what?
Eastern and Western Kentucky, North Texas, Eastern Michigan, Western Carolina, and all other Directional Creampuff teams
Thank you for padding the records for nearly all the big-name teams. Some of you (notably, Middle Tennessee State at 8-3) are Directional Creampuffs in name only. Others (looking at you, Eastern Michigan and that 0-11 record) proudly carried the Creampuff banner throughout the season.
The SEC (most of it, anyway)
As a lonely fan of SEC football immersed in Big 10 country, I try to keep quiet. Fortunately, teams like Florida and Alabama have held serve throughout the season. While the conference has faded from the polls a bit, the Tide and Gators have been at or near the top most of the season. For now, only four teams (also including LSU and Ole Miss) from the SEC rank among the Top 25. All the same, 10 teams have reached bowl eligibility and should present some great match-ups in the post-season.
Coaches:
Rich Rodriguez, University of Michigan
I’m thankful I don’t have Rich-Rod’s compensation package. Wait, let take that back. I’m thankful not to be cracking under the pressure of 106,201 fans at every home game, a second straight losing season, another loss to Ohio State, and the expectations accompanying a $2.5 million contract. There, that’s better.
Thanks should also go out to the good people at USA Today, who kindly compiled a database of salaries for nearly every NCAA I-A head coach. I love a good database. If you scroll down to “Rodriguez, Rich,” you will find his 2009 base salary ($859,000), “other income” ($1,662,000 in shoe and apparel deals, local endorsements, etc.) and his maximum bonus ($300,000 of incentives, a moot point as the Wolverines didn’t sniff the post-season).
Let me point out an interesting feature of the database – access to actual contracts! Yes indeed, right there in crystal-clear PDF, you can pull up a copy of Rich Rod’s paperwork. While we you have that up on your screen, kindly read Section 4.02(f). I’ll give you a minute.
Has it sunk in yet? If you are a Michigan fan, I bet you just realized . . . should the Wolverines discover that a major NCAA rules violation (like, say, all that allegedly excessive practice time) Rodriguez can be fired for cause. Yep, you can save yourself as much as $4 million in “firing bonus” money that the university would owe if Rodriguez is fired without cause (i.e., a 3-9 season, followed by a 5-7 season).
All you need are a few disgruntled boosters (check), some bitter former players (check), blood-thirsty sportswriters (check), and a young NCAA investigator (preferably one who reads a lot of Scott Turow). Throw in a busty, doe-eyed graduate assistant from the UM NCAA Compliance Office, and you’ve got a blockbuster!
Head Coach Charlie Weis, Notre Dame
You know what? We’ve said enough already. Moving on.
Rick Stockstill, Middle Tennessee State
The Blue Raiders hit the jackpot with Coach Stockstill, who has led the Blue Raiders to an 8-3 record and a possible bowl game. With only one game remaining (on the road at Louisiana-Monroe, not a guaranteed “W”), MTSU may be among three Sun Belt teams playing in bowl games next month. Pull up that salary database again. For a grand total of $281,655, Stockstill has taken a perennial also-ran with only one other winning record since 2002 and turned the team into a conference contender.
But the sharks are circling. Last week, Stockstill announced he had withdrawn his name from the Memphis coaching search. Somehow, I doubt Memphis will be the last suitor for Coach Stockstill’s services. After serving 24 years in the trenches as an assistant coach, I hope he gets everything he deserves. Thank you, Coach, for showing us how it should be done.
Players:
QB Jacory Harris, University of Miami
While Jacory didn’t live up to my “dark horse for Heisman” dreams, I’m still thankful the unflappable Harris has played a part in the ’09 season. Known for sporting odd haircuts, crazy sunglasses, and wearing mismatched shoes, Harris has shown it is possible to play QB for a big-league team in a major market and still show some personality. I only wish we could say the same of McCoy, Tebow, and the others in the Year of the Quarterback.
RB Jacquizz Rodgers, Oregon State
Thank you for laboring away, virtually unnoticed, in the distant Pacific Northwest. Thank you for racking up 1,313 yards rushing, 436 yards receiving, and 20 total touchdowns. Thank you for outperforming your conference rival, Toby Gerhart of Stanford, by scoring four TDs in Oregon State’s 38-28 win earlier this season. Thank you for showing what a 5-foot-7, 191-pound (really?) sophomore running back can do when somebody gives him the ball. And if you help the Beavers beat the Oregon Ducks on the road next Thursday, thank you for helping me say . . . I called it.
Mascots:
Uga VII
Last Saturday, we observed a moment of silence here at the College Football Report to pay our respects to the departed. Uga VII passed away at the tender age of four years. The seventh of his proud line, Uga VII enjoyed a brief life lolling around the sidelines during Georgia Bulldog games and while he may not have been as memorable as some of his predecessors, we honor his memory all the same. Thank you, Uga VII, for . . . everything.
(We can only hope the Seiler clan nicknames Uga VIII as “Ocho-Uga.” Somehow, I doubt it. But wouldn’t that be great?)
The University of Tennessee at Chattanooga “Mocs”:
I don’t know what the hell you are, but thank you for brightening my day.
Issues, Things and Other Stuff:
The Nike “Pro Combat” uniform
This thing is just completely ludicrous. How complicated is a football uniform? It could be an athletic uniform; it could be alien life form. I feel like one of these things may become sentient with no warning, seize control of an FSU player this Saturday, and light Coach Bowden’s walking corpse on fire. Check out this and this and make up your own mind.
One other thought on this topic: Where would you put the over/under on the total cost – strictly R&D – to develop the Pro Combat uniform? $3.4 million? $4.7 million? Pick a figure. I don’t think it’s possible to go too high. In a certain sense, the higher the figure the better for the marketing guys at The Swoosh. In fact, if you can find this out, I will send you a free turkey leg.
Clemson, Florida, Florida State, LSU, Miami, Missouri, Ohio State, Texas, TCU and Virginia Tech will wear (or have worn) the Pro Combat this season.
Buying the Hook:
I still can’t resist your wily charms. Thank you for costing me an extra 10 percent on every loss.
You:
Last but not least, thank you, dear reader.
And with that, let’s take a look at the action among the top BCS teams last weekend. The following is for entertainment purposes only, including gambling.
Game: Florida International 3 @ #1 Florida 62 (-47)
What was supposed to happen? Well, the point spread could have been an indication. I mean, if you were scratching your head about the possible outcome of this one on Saturday morning . . . “Let’s see . . . FIU @ Florida . . . the Gators should be able to pull that out, right?”
What actually happened? Florida covered a 47-point spread . . . by 12 points! Are you kidding me? Let’s go ahead and give this game the “Pay attention to us!” award this week.
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Game: Chattanooga 0 @ #2 Alabama 45 (n/a)
What was supposed to happen? Until a few moments ago, I didn’t realize Chattanooga was in Tennessee. I had heard of Chattanooga before, of course. But if you gave me three guesses, I would have gone with: Alabama, Tennessee, and Mississippi. In about that order.
So, let’s clear up a bit of confusion – “Chattanooga” is the informal name for the University of Tennessee at Chattanooga.
What actually happened? Last week, we professed our love for teams with confusing mascots. The Chattanooga Mocs are our new favorite example. The school’s Moccasin mascot began as a water moccasin (you know, the snake) in the 1920s, changed to a moccasin (you know, the shoe) in the 1960s, and then switched to Chief Moccanooga (you know, the racist mascot) until 1996.
In ’96, Chattanooga got wise to political correctness, shortened the name to “Mocs” and adopted a bird in a conductor’s hat as the mascot. The logo features a train (you know, as in “Chattanooga Choo Choo”) with the bird at the helm. Hard to visualize? Think we’re kidding? Check this out. We have no idea either . . . but we love it!
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Game: Kansas 20 @ #3 Texas 51 (-28)
What was supposed to happen? Those of us (hypothetically) trying to make up (hypothetical) ground after weeks of poor (hypothetical) gambling decisions really hoped Texas would cover the spread. For entertainment purposes only, of course.
What actually happened? YES! Hook ’em Horns!!
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Game: #4 TCU 45 (-32) @ Wyoming 10
What was supposed to happen? I was hoping TCU wouldn’t cover this ridiculously large number on the road in Laramie.
What actually happened? Dammit. You know what they say, you only win the bets you don’t make. Either that, or “you gotta be in it to win it.” One of those.
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Game: #6 Boise State 52 (-23) @ Utah State 21
What was supposed to happen? Well, certainly not both a Boise cover and an “over.” You know, because we looked at both of those options. We even considered parlaying the 23 with the over 63 . . . at tidy 2.5:1 odds. So, obviously one or the other or both of those things probably shouldn’t happen.
What actually happened? DAMMIT.
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Game: #8 LSU 23 @ Mississippi 25 (-4.5)
What was supposed to happen? We didn’t pay much attention to this game last week. We’re not really sure what was supposed to happen, to be honest. Wasn’t LSU supposed to cruise through the remainder of the season and into a BCS game? Wasn’t that the plan?
What actually happened? LSU head coach Les Miles suffered a brain cramp. Or slipped into a mini-coma or something. Go read any of the stories about the final two minutes of this game. I can’t even bear to repeat it.
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Game: #10 Ohio State 21 (-11.5) @ Michigan 10
What was supposed to happen? If the pre-game hype was to be believed, this game would be the turning point for embattled Michigan coach Rich Rodriguez. (Remember him?) The networks, desperate for some viewers for what has been a lackluster game in recent years, began spinning stories of Bo Schembechler. Forty years ago, the then-unknown Schembechler led the Wolverines to a shocking upset over the rival Buckeyes. Schembechler went on to . . . well, you know the story.
What actually happened? Rich-Rod ain’t no Bo Schembechler.
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Game: #11 Oregon 44 (-5.5) @ Arizona 41
What was supposed to happen? Everybody thought that the Wildcats might have a shot at upending Oregon in this game. I’m not sure how these things happen. In certain games, the college football world seems to collectively decide on a certain outcome well in advance. And then all the coverage and analysis seems to skew in that direction . . . right up to the point when it looks like that outcome is at risk, and then suddenly, ho-HO, the commentators make a 180 and start slobbering all over the other team.
What actually happened? I don’t know what I would call that condition, but it was in full effect on Saturday night. Did everyone spontaneously forget about Oregon’s offense? What about QB Masoli? What about that guy? What happened when he lunged into the end zone for the winning TD in the second overtime?
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Game: Minnesota 0 @ #13 Iowa 12 (-12)
What was supposed to happen? Who cares?
What actually happened? The game was decided by four field goals. Next!
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Game: #14 Penn State 42 (-3.5) @ Michigan State 14
What was supposed to happen? Watching the Spartans season has brought us down here at the Report. Michigan State has gone through some bizarre years of late, and many thought the Spartans were poised to make some noise in the Big Ten. Sadly, MSU dropped three of its first four by a combined 10 points . . . and that was pretty much that.
What actually happened?
I think the Sparties gave up on Saturday. They just didn’t have it in them. While MSU might get a consolation bowl bid, I’m not sure I would care to see them walk through another game this season.
And in other BCS action . . .
North Carolina State 10 @ Virginia Tech 38 (-21)
#16 Wisconsin 31 (-7) @ Northwestern 33*
#25 California 34 @ #17 Stanford 28 (-7.5)**
#19 Oregon State 42 (-31) @ Washington State 10
Duke 16 @ #10 Miami (FL) 34 (-18.5)
San Diego State 7 @ #21 Utah 38 (-20.5)
Air Force 21 @ #22 BYU 38 (-9.5)
Virginia 21 @ #23 Clemson 34 (-21)
Memphis 14 @ #24 Houston 55 (-23)
#25 Rutgers 13 (-10.5) @ Syracuse 31***
* Like clockwork, every year. What a goofy rivalry.
** Oops, so much for that idea, Stanford.
*** Ewww.
Finally, while we look ahead to a full weekend of family fun, turkey sandwiches and excessive wine consumption due to aforementioned family, the Beachwood Sports Seal will be hunkered down in front of the TV.
Thanksgiving weekend is an excellent time for rivalry games, from the flagship Iron Bowl (Alabama-Auburn), to the heated Florida State-Florida match-up, to the oddly named Egg Bowl (Mississippi-Mississippi State), even games such as the Battle for the Bronze Boot (Colorado State-Wyoming) could be entertaining.
While you bake, smoke or deep-fry your bird this weekend, think of the Seal. He’ll be spending the holiday with his closest friends at ABC, CBS, and ESPN with nothing but the Vegas line and the Dominos delivery man (large, thin crust, extra anchovies) to keep him company.
Game: #3 Texas (-21) at Texas A&M (Thursday, 7 p.m.)
Pick: Texas A&M
Game: Illinois @ #5 Cincinnati (-20.5, Friday, 11 a.m.)
Pick: Cincinnati
Game: #2 Alabama (-10) @ Auburn (Friday, 1:30 p.m.)
Pick: Alabama
Game: Nevada @ #6 Boise State (-13.5, Friday, 9 p.m.)
Pick: Boise State
Game: #18 Clemson (-3) @ South Carolina (Saturday, 11 a.m.)
Pick: South Carolina
Game: #25 Mississippi (-8) @ Mississippi State (Saturday, 11:20 a.m.)
Pick: Ole Miss
Game: #14 Virginia Tech (-16) @ Virginia (Saturday, 2:30 p.m.)
Pick: Va Tech
Game: Notre Dame @ Stanford (-10.5, Saturday 7 p.m.)
Pick: The Cardinal, for all the clams. Trust the Seal.
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Mike “Dr. Dude” Luce brings you The College Football Report in this space twice a week, with the generous assistance of the Beachwood Sports Seal. They both welcome your comments.
Posted on November 25, 2009