By Marty Gangler
Now that’s more like it. This is the kind of October I remember. Who really wants the hand-wringing and stress involved in a playoff series? I mean, c’mon, we’re in a recession people. Who can afford playoff tickets?
And what if the Cub actually got further than the first round, or dare I say the championship series, or even the big one? Think about how many more people would go absolutely broke mortgaging everything for a chance to see the Cubs in the World Series. It would be pretty bad for a lot of people – not to mention the disappointment if they inched closer to the ring and got knocked out. People these days have enough things to worry about, that would put them over the edge.
No, this is a good thing. This I can handle. I don’t need a wife at home who doesn’t want to watch a playoff game with me because I am “WAY to into it.” How many marriages could handle another post-season series loss? How many dogs will now be saved from being kicked?
And now the expectations are back to “they suck and need a new manager.” I can totally handle that. It’s my comfort zone; my groove. I’m better off. Because expecting them to win is like waiting for the Christmas that never comes. Like what if you just know that Santa is going to bring you that new bike this year and you are super pumped. Your dad is dropping hints about how he talked to Santa around Thanksgiving and that they had a conversation about a certain chrome alloy frame and yellow mag wheels. And then Christmas morning your mom and dad decide that your family no longer celebrates holidays. It’s like that for Cub Fans. It’s the Christmas that never comes. But who knows, you’re dad might change his mind next year.
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Season In Review: A bad off-season, a sleepy old manager, lazy/crazy players, and some injuries that didn’t help made this season a horrendous disappointment.
Next Season in Preview: This team needs an overhaul, a facelift, and an enema. Cubs Fever, catch it!
The Second Basemen Report: As promising as the second base position looked at one point (when it seemed like everyone would get a turn) we only ended up with six different second basemen this season. The player who rose above the heaping pile of “eh” at second was Jeff Baker. Look for Jeff to begin the season at second base for the Cubs and be supplanted by a guy no one would ever think of. What may have been more interesting was that there were nine different third basemen. Now that’s fun! Just like Jim Hendry drew it up.
In former second basemen news, Mark DeRosa did what he always does, help his team win. Ronnie Cedeno did what he always does, disappoint his employers. They are both missed. 2010 note: Look for Mike Fontenot here next season . . .
The Zam Bomb: Big Z still has some wick left but (as always) it’s up to him light the fuse. He’ll remain furious until he figures it out.
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Lost in Translation: Same-io same-io is Japanese for wait til next year.
Endorsement No-Brainer: Tom Ricketts for Cash for Clunkers.
Milton Bradley Game of the Week: The On the Go Travel Games set. Because he’s going to need them.
Sweet and Sour Lou: 61% sweet, 39% sour. Lou moves up one point on the Sweet-O-Meter due to not having to look at this team for a few months. And just like your real crazy drunk uncle, Lou is glad you kids are back to school because even though he was drunk most of the time and didn’t care what you did, you would always finish the all the mashed potatoes at dinner and that got annoying. So now he can eat as many potatoes as he wants without worrying about not having enough.
Don’t Hassle the Hoff: Being on this team is a hassle so give the kid a break and stop it! Move him somewhere else.
Over/Under: Games before Lou is fired next season: +/- 45.
Beachwood Sabermetrics: A complex algorithm performed by the The Cub Factor staff using all historical data made available by Major League Baseball has determined that “what are you gunna do?” is not an acceptable answer for every question.
The Cub Factor: Unlike Soriano, you can catch ’em all!
The White Sox Report: Now with a weekly Cubs Snub.
The Mount Lou Alert System: Mount Lou is no longer a mountain or even a prairie. It is now a parking lot. And a parking lot where Lou has free parking because no one wants any problems collecting money.
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Posted on October 6, 2009