By Pat Bataillon
Since it’s Friday, I don’t want to dwell on the past too long, so I’ll make it quick. Two lessons learned – or re-learned – last night. From It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, the useful tenet “That’s politics, bitch!” From The Wedding Singer, that Drew Barrymore is still extremely annoying. I only got to watch It’s Always Sunny in Philly because of an intense game of Scrabble with my girlfriend. She is most likely blushing now. Picture that. She bested me by a score of 241 to 237. I was taught to take a loss in stride and congratulate my opponent on a game well-played. I must take this opportunity to congratulate her. Congrats!
I couldn’t string any points together. I was just out of it. I had to think about what was different about this night. And then it hit me: Drew Barrymore’s squawk box was melting my brain. Listening to Drew Barrymore “act” last night took me completely off of my game. She has always been a pain in my brain, but I never thought she could through my entire thought process out of whack. But she did.
Look, I was not impressed when she flashed David Letterman on his birthday a few years back. I saw ET probably a hundred times when I was a kid and I don’t remember how she did. I almost puked after seeing Charlie’s Angels. It’s a good thing that Bill Murray got a payday for that film. Without him those two hours would have been a complete waste. I honestly can’t think of any other movies that she has been in. And yet, for some reason she is on the Hollywood A-List. Where does that come from? Let’s explore.
She was in ET. Steven Spielberg directed that. Steve has won a couple of Oscars for that and a couple other flicks. Tom Hanks starred in Saving Private Ryan and won an Oscar with Steve. Tom also won one for Forrest Gump that Steve directed. Haley Joel Osment was in Forrest Gump with Tom Hanks. You’ll also remember Haley seeing dead people Sixth Sense with Bruce Willis and Pay it Forward with Helen Hunt and Kevin Spacey (not diving into that combined talent or this would never end).
Basically what we have learned here is that if a child is in a successful movie they will be famous for absolutely no reason. I have never heard anyone say, “Wow, Drew Barrymore did such a great job. I can’t believe how talented she is.” I will also never hear, “Drew Barrymore was cheated out of the Oscar this year. She definitely deserved it.”
Some child stars vanish into a world of drugs and others stay popular. I guess that’s politics, bitch.
Posted on August 4, 2006