By Marty Gangler
Okay. It’s been a week and although that is not much of a sample size there may be a few things I have to re-think. And, well, it’s time for the first week knee-jerk reaction. It’s really all the first week is good for. With this in mind a few things don’t make as much sense as I thought they did. For one, Alfonso Soriano seems to be doing fine in the leadoff role. And Derrek Lee does look like he sucks now. And Kosuke Fukudome can actually hit. So what does this all mean? It means that I was pretty wrong in my thinking on all of these counts. Yes, it’s only been a week but maybe these things are actually true. Which makes me think of some other things I might be wrong about and should change my mind on – both Cub-related and otherwise. So with all of this in mind, we here at the Cub Factor now believe the following statements to be true:
* Ron Santo is really a tremendously talented broadcaster.
* I will sell my house next week.
* Wrigley Field is a shrine and should never be torn down.
* My straight job is very secure and I have nothing to worry about.
* The Cubs will really miss Kerry Wood.
* The White Sox truly do suck and I should hate them on principle.
* Our local government truly does have the little guy in mind.
* 2003 was completely Bartman’s fault.
* Lee Harvey Oswald for sure acted alone.
* Lou Piniella is not going to throw a base this season.
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Week in Review: The Cubs went 4-2, taking two of three from both the Astros and Brewers. You know, it just might be this easy all year long.
Week in Preview: The Cubs come home to open the year with a two-game set against the Rockies and four against the Cardinals. What’s the point of a two-game “series”? Does that even qualify? Or is it just two “games”? I’m looking forward to the eventual one-game series – or, the nine-inning series.
The Second Basemen Report: Mike Fontenot started all six games this week at second base, hit the ball, and got some walks. Which he’ll probably do all season. And if that happens, the trade that brought him over here will be called the Fontenot for Sosa trade instead of the other way around. You know, just like Jim Hendry drew it up.
In former second baseman news, Mark DeRosa is batting .091 for the Indians and Ronnie Cedeno is hitting .182 for the Mariners. They are missed.
The Zam Bomb: Big Z still remains apologetic but c’mon, it’s not going to last. Give him one more start.
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Endorsement No-Brainer: Milton Bradley for Ace bandages.
Lost In Translation: Doctorio Smoothy-san is Japanese for Reed Johnson is a bad-ass. Sensio Katchakaki is Japanese for you see that catch? Back-san watchio Kosuke is Japanese for watch your back, Kosuke.
Milton Bradley Game Of The Week: Trouble.
Sweet and Sour Lou:– 61% sweet, 39% sour. Lou is up only one point on the Sweet-O-Meter despite a week of winning baseball. This is due to way too many walks out of the pitching staff. And just like your real crazy drunk uncle, Lou doesn’t like the word “walk” at all. He just bought a golf cart so he doesn’t have to walk down and get the mail, you know, because he’s got that long driveway. The golf cart also has a cooler on the back to keep the Falstaff frosty.
Don’t Hassle the Hoff: Micah Hoffpauir went 1-for-3 for the week with 1 RBI. Derrek Lee is batting .080. If Lee hits into just one double-play this week at home listen for the Hoffpauir chants from the stands and look for the jerseys to start popping up.
Beachwood Sabermetrics: A complex algorithm performed by the The Cub Factor staff using all historical data made available by Major League Baseball has determined that the NL Central really is for the taking.
Over/Under: The number fans after back on the bandwagon this week after hopping off after last season’s playoffs +/- 1.2 million.
Mount Lou: Moves to status yellow after bullpen turmoil makes the fire demons below the surface of Mount Lou begin to dance with joy. Which starts the anger lava on it’s journey toward the surface. Villagers should still feel safe, for now, though.
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Posted on April 13, 2009