By The Beachwood Special Session Affairs Desk
“Gov. Rod Blagojevich is bringing state lawmakers back for a two-day special session next week, just in time for the Illinois State Fair.”
* The governor will propose dates for next summer’s special session.
* Legislators will solve the state’s budget crisis by holding the world hostage for $1 million – no, $100 billion – dollars!
* The governor will reveal that he actually has a doomsday machine.
* Michael Madigan will abandon the governor on the rollercoaster at the State Fair and take the workers home with him.
* Fundraising idea: Dunk the governor! This would come close to closing the budget gap.
* After puking funnel cake and Orange Julius all over the Tilt-a-Whirl, Blagojevich molests the butter cow with a foot-long corn dog.
* Blago brings in retired EST founder Werner Hans Erhard and forces budget concessions for permission to go to the bathroom.
* The governor proposes that Illinois set its clocks back two hours instead of one to “save more” in the fall.
* The governor puts the entire state budget on Papa’s Mustache in the fourth.
* The governor reneges on his promise to knock over the milk bottles to supply stuffed animals to every kid in the state.
* Special sessions in Illinois now part of the Paralympics.
* Governor accidentally shows up in Springfield, Missouri.
* Legislators vote to transfer the governor’s powers back to George Ryan. Hey, if mob leaders can run their organizations from prison . . .
* Bill proclaiming October 15 as Silly Putty Day in Illinois finally passes, breaking logjam.
* Blago greeted at Capitol doors by process servers.
* Special session turns out to be cover for a surprise birthday party for Bill Cellini.
* Emil Jones squares off against Carol Ronen to see who will be the Governor’s Baton Host this year.
* The governor unwittingly finds himself in the Polygraph Booth and easily breaks several state fair records.
* Special session adjourns abruptly when the House and Senate cannot agree on whether to go see Fergie or Weird Al Yankovic.
Posted on August 7, 2008