By Marty Gangler
If you read last week’s Cub Factor, you know my wife and I had a baby boy last week. Well, little Mitchell is home now and mom and dad aren’t getting a whole lot of sleep. Okay, the Cub Factor is getting pretty personal now, but I promise I won’t talk about my son every week. But I will again this week. I mean, give me a break. Anyone who’s had a child knows that the first few weeks are just plain nuts. And honestly, lack of sleep over a sustained period is a form of torture. Which was kind of like watching the Cubs lose their weekend series to the Washington Nationals. Just torture. Losing to the Nationals is like waking up every 45 minutes for 10 hours straight and then getting punched in the lower back. It’s super annoying and you are so sleep-deprived delirious that when you hear the wailing from the other room you wake up so fast you say things like, “Take a strike Felix!” and the game’s been over for hours.
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Week in Review: The Cubs went 4-3 this week, taking three of four from the two 2-game series’ with the Mets and Rockies and losing two of three to the Nationals. Wins against the Nats should count for less and losses should count for more. Kind of like certain states in the Democratic primary.
Week in Preview: The Cubs come home for three against the Brewers and travel to St Louis for a weekend set with the Cardinals. As long as the Nationals aren’t on the schedule, expect goods things.
The Second Basemen Report: Suddenly, we have a new contestant. Ronnie Cedeno started four of the seven games this week as good old Uncle Lou mixed it up just the way we like it. Mark DeRosa, who has also seen time in left field with Alfonso Soriano out, started one game at second and Mike Fontenot started two. These are the weeks that make The Second Basemen Report special. It’s a mixed bag without much rhyme or reason. You know, just like Hendry drew it up.
In former second basemen news, Steve Dillard last played for the Cubs in 1981. He was a minor league coach and manager with a few teams after he retired from playing. He is missed.
Zam Bomb: The fuse stays extinguished as Big Z wins two games this week. But a bunch of walks in his last outing is a good reminder to keep the bomb squad number programmed into your phone.
Lost in Translation: Smokino mirro is Japanese for 2008 Chicago Cubs.
Sweet and Sour Lou: 72% sweet, 28% sour. Lou is down 6 points on the Sweet-O-Meter due to losing to shitty teams. And like your real crazy drunk uncle, Lou is happy you got off to a great start in your grade-school district spelling bee, but he knows you can’t spell “contender” with what you did last week.
Beachwood Sabermetrics: A complex algorithm performed by the The Cub Factor staff using all historical data made available by Major League Baseball has determined that losing to the Nationals means something more than just losses.
The Cub Factor: Catch up with them all.
Center Stage: Reed Johnson made five starts this week in center and pulled off one of the greatest catches ever. Felix Pie started two games this week and actually got a few hits. This might actually be a contest for the starting centerfield job. Oh wait. No it isn’t.
Over/Under: The number of Cubs fans who are idiots for wearing Japanese headbands: +/- all of them.
With Apologies To Nena: 99 Years of Cub Losses (99 Jahre von Bengeln Verlusten).
Mount Lou: Lou moves up to alert level yellow as pressure from a fault line in Washington, D.C., stirs inner anger lava. Smoke may billow this week to show villagers that Mount Lou still has magma in it’s veins. Probably Thursday.
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Send comments, questions and advice on molding an infant into a left-hander to Marty.
Posted on April 29, 2008