A “What If?” experiment brought to you by Beachwood Labs.
*
What if Lou Piniella coached the Bears?
* Rex Grossman would have been traded after the third game of the season and Griese and Orton would trade starts with various members of the practice squad. And it would work.
* Devin Hester would play every down at a variety of positions. His nickname would be DeRosa.
* Like your crazy drunk uncle, Lou would have been kicked out of at least one game for kicking a referee’s flag all over the field in anger.
* Would make frequent trips to the huddle to tell his quarterback to throw touchdowns.
* Would often run out of time-outs a couple of minutes into each half.
* Would beat Green Bay.
* Would pull Griese too soon in the wild-card game.
What if Lovie Smith managed the Cubs?
* They’d get off the bus running.
* They’d get off the bus getting thrown out running.
* They’d get a new team bus.
* All players with hitting streaks over more than five games would be benched.
* Starting pitchers would never be removed for relievers unless it was part of the game plan.
* He would insist on the Tampa 2 outfield.
* Bob Babich, pitching coach.
What if Ozzie Guillen coached the Blackhawks?
* Would get off the bus fighting.
* Would regularly throw players under the Zamboni.
* Would eventually slur every Eastern European nationality represented in the league.
* A.J. Pierzynski, enforcer.
* Would lose to Detroit.
* Uniforms changed to black; mascot changed to a Hawk.
* Fired after two weeks.
What if Denis Savard managed the White Sox?
* It would be just like Ozzie Guillen managing the White Sox.
What if Scott Skiles coached the Bulls?
* It would be a helluva lot better than what he’s doing with them now.
Posted on December 11, 2007