Chicago - A message from the station manager

The [Wednesday] Papers

By Steve Rhodes

“A new United Nations report projecting the extinction of one-eighth of all animal and plant species should rattle the cages of any remaining skeptics regarding climate change and the central role humans have played in Earth’s accelerating destruction,” Kathleen Parker writes for the Washington Post.
“The report is by far the most depressing and frightening bit of news among an exhausting list of dire predictions and seemingly incessant fire alarms, including threatened increases to U.S. tariffs on Chinese imports, market plunges, North Korea’s missile tests and President Trump’s affronts to the Constitution. Just when you thought you couldn’t take any more.
“Finding out that 1 million species face extinction without radical corrective changes in human behavior is akin to finding out you have a fatal disease. One day you have a thousand problems; the next, you have just one. Nothing in today’s headlines compares to the catastrophic potential posed by climate change and the decimating effects of careless consumerism around the globe.”
She’s right, of course. But I will soldier on – and I don’t mean that in a flip way. I mean that in a “I gave up on humanity a long time ago and there’s nothing left to do but wait for the utter catastrophes that will cause untold suffering by tracking our demise on all fronts for the aliens to discover and learn from one day” kind of way.


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Sabotage or climate change?


Lori Lightfoot and the city council will have to wait at least another day, sorry.
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Chicago in one tweet:


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Illinois:


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Yeah, I’ve lost my will today. I’ll try to reconstruct the column that was going to appear today for tomorrow.
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Hey, how about some fun e-mail stuff?
Here’s one I sent to our very own Tim Willette this morning:
“Roe Conn vs. Dwyane Wade.”
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Also, my dismay at this:
Screen Shot 2019-05-15 at 1.42.15 PM.png
You guys always like the wrong stuff.
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From J.J. Tindall:
Wondering if we can get a notice up about the Steve Ediger Exhibition at Agitator Gallery thru June 1. thx
Background: Beachwood Nation Has Lost A Good One: Remembering Steve Ediger.
See also: The Steven Ediger Art System.
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Every time Tommy La Stella hits a home run, I notify our very own Jim “Coach” Coffman via The Tommy La Stella Home Run Alert System.
Today was No. 11.
FanGraphs: Tommy La Stella Is Doing Mike Trout-Like Things.
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Me and Tim have long had a Michael McDonald Alert System. Every time one of us hears a song with any relation to Michael McDonald – vocals, background singing, writing credit – one of us is supposed to alert the other. That’s a lot of alerts, seeing as how nearly every song in the universe has a Michael McDonald connection. I’ve long dreamed of a worldwide website where people could enter their daily Michael McDonald experiences. “May 15, 2019: Wicker Park Jewel, 1:15 p.m., ‘What A Fool Believes.’ – Pete M.” That kind of thing. Then, analyze and visualize the fuck out of the data.
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Me to Tim:
“Everyone I’ve ever expressed this too has vehemently disagreed, but I’ve always thought ‘Love Will Tear Us Apart’ as a mediocre song. And, upon just hearing it again, I still believe it.”
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Worst album title ever: Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness.
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Should this be a newsletter? This kind of material? HMU.
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Unbossed, unbought and unbanked!
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New on the Beachwood . . .
Bulls Win Right To Draft The 7th-Best College Basketball Player In The Country!
Here comes Coby White!
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Chicagoetry: A Lake Michigan Of The Mind
An Atlantis of lost loves.
Programming note: With this poem, J.J. Tindall finishes his run as the Beachwood’s poet-in-residence, though he’ll retain emeritus status. Chicagoetry too comes to a close, unless someone out there wants to pick up the ball and run with it. I’ve also been considering a Chicago limerick series. Send me your interest and ideas.
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Started and abandoned:
There once was a hipster from Bucktown
There once was a hipster from Bridgeport
Who thought he was cooler than
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ChicagoReddit

Spicy food lovers of Chicago- whats the spiciest meal you’ve ever had in a restaurant here? from r/chicago


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ChicagoGram


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BeachBook
Amnesty International Is Denied Lease At New York Tower Owned By China.

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How Preschool Education Can Benefit Generations Of Families.

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How Wisconsin Developed A High Tolerance For Booze.

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TweetWood
A sampling.


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I have an idea: How about his name on the lips of every media member kissing his ass on his legacy tour?
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The Beachwood McRibTipLine: Man is five.

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Posted on May 15, 2019