By Eric Emery
Last weekend I traveled to Madison, Wisconsin to experience the Green & Gold Kool-Aid. It’s not quite the same as the Blue & Orange. Let’s break it down:
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Fashion Errors
Blue & Orange: The occasional black belt with brown shirt.
Green & Gold: Man with frosted tips. Different man with mullet.
Advantage: Blue & Orange. Fashion errors less ostentatious. Plus, a real Bears fan doesn’t look at another fan’s belt.
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High Fives
Blue & Orange: Not usually. We’re too busy keeping our hands on our wallets
Green & Gold: Often. Mostly after executing a 3rd-and-short.
Advantage: Blue & Orange. It’s good to have money in the wallet.
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Shit Talk
Blue & Orange: Like voting; early and often.
Green & Gold: Like brushing teeth; no more than three times a day.
Advantage: Blue & Orange. Lower self-esteem results in sharper insults to the opposition.
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Good Wishes
Blue & Orange: Unless you wear at least two types of Bears gear, expect none.
Green & Gold: Lady wished me “Good luck to the Steelers” as she left.
Advantage: Blue & Orange. Everybody knows there is no well-wishing in football.
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In-Bar Public Announcements
Blue & Orange: None. Fans are smart enough to watch TVs to track team’s (lack of) progress.
Green & Gold: Regular public announcements for each Packers’ first down. Maybe this is about a drinking game nobody clued me into.
Advantage: Blue & Orange pending further information about possible drinking game.
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Drink Giveaways
Blue & Orange: None. Watching the Bears is supposed to be your reward.
Green & Gold: After every Packer score. So you need extra incentive to watch your team score?
Advantage: Blue & Orange. Watching your team succeed is intrinsically rewarding. Oh, who am I kidding. Advantage, Green & Gold.
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Loudness
Blue & Orange: Only during exciting plays. Which is to say, on Bears kick returns and blitzes.
Green & Gold: At a constant roar.
Advantage: Push. Who can blame them when they’re 4-0?
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Analysis: The Green & Gold Kool-Aid tastes great. The Blue & Orange Kool-Aid is less filling.
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Chicago at Green Bay
“If you drive to Soldier Field, they make you pay a toll
For cripes sake, they only won one lousy Super Bowl”
– “The Bears Still Suck“
Pick: Green Bay Minus 3.5 Points, Over 40.5 Points Scored
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Sugar in the Blue & Orange Kool-Aid: 15%
Recommended sugar in the Blue & Orange Kool-Aid: 7.5%
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For more Emery, see the Kool-Aid archive, and the Over/Under archive. Emery accepts comments from Bears fans reluctantly and everyone else tolerably.
Posted on October 5, 2007