By Julia Gray
– “Next Burns War Could Be Vietnam“
1. The Vietnam War. Yes, there have been some great documentaries done about this war, but his will be better because he’ll have a subtle, yet great score playing throughout to hide the fact that Burns keeps making the same doc over and over and over . . .
2. Grenada. Riveting interviews with med students who were probably too stoned to realize what was going on. Subtle, yet great score playing underneath the over-exposed images and blah narration about a blah war.
3. The Falklands War. More riveting interviews with sheep farmers who were more concerned with making the perfect haggis than whether or not Prince Andrew was going to save them from the Argentine Army and their archaic weaponry.
4. The Gulf War. Schwartzkopf and Co. kick ass and save wee Kuwait’s booty. Burns is trying to figure out how he can use photos rather than archival news footage since photos are easier to set to a subtle, yet great score.
5. Revisiting the Civil War. Talks to folks below the Mason/Dixon who are still upset that the South lost.
6. R&B. Burns needs to make sure that he forgets some of the pillars of R&B like he did with his jazz series. Also, how will he be able to create a subtle, yet great score when there’s so much great R&B music he can use instead? He’ll probably be in quite the quandary over this one.
7. Cricket. England’s great game, set to a jazz score.
8. The Iraq War. Will use actors in re-enactments because the Bush Administration has made sure there is no archival footage.
9. The War of the Roses. Burns revisits the Michael Douglas/Kathleen Turner classic.
10. The SCA Battles. Burns goes inside the epic battle between the kingdoms of Caid and An Tir, showing how the “armor” is made and how many stolen road signs are needed to make said armor. He talks to survivors and shows images accompanied by a subtle, yet great score.
Posted on September 21, 2007