By Julia Gray
“I wonder if they can put vodka in Starbuck’s coffee,” wonders Stephani, one of this week’s featured brides on We TV’s Bridezillas. This is a request we’ve all wanted to ask our local barista at one time or another, but not while we’re downing a Xanax for the umpteenth time that day, in front of a film crew whilst our portly fiance is driving the car.
This is de rigeur behavior for the bitchy, demanding and just plain classless brides-to-be on this show. The cameras capture every pout, snit, tear, questionable fashion choice, and general bad behavior. Two brides are featured each week and their bitchfests usually take up two or more episodes.
In past episodes, Bridezillas introduced the TV viewing public to an alcohol-swilling Mormon with a potty mouth, a teen-queen bride whose behavior blackballed her from most of the caterers in Bakersfield, and one who prided herself on being “Trailer Fabulous.”
Stephani, however, tops ’em all. The other bride on the show I don’t even care about. Why? Well, Stephani is the girl of anyone’s dreams. She starts her day with a plethora of pharmaceuticals like Xanax and Klonopin, she carries a large switchblade in her purse, and her fiance paid $13,000 for her boobs. She is klassy with a ‘K,’ my friends. The 13 grand for her boobs is just part of her charm. Her fiance offered to put the money down on a Porsche Cayenne, but she wanted boobs instead – and what girl wouldn’t? I don’t see what the big dilemma is here: big hooters or a car that is just big enough to haul you and your two new girls around town?
Another thing we discover about Stephani is that she has a baby girl with her fiance. She got pregnant within a few months of meeting him. We also learn from Stephani that one of the best things about being pregnant was how huge her boobs got – hence the aforementioned boob job. She now wants to have another child so she can get a tummy tuck.
“If I had to pick between my fiance and my boob job, I’d have to pick my fiance because he paid for my boobs,” says Stephani.
What a keeper.
When Stephani found out that the budget for her wedding was a mere $10,000, she cried, pouted, and didn’t talk to her parents for two days. Finally, her parents upped the budget by 50 percent. To insure that she would have a ‘klassy’ wedding, Stephani and her fiance (okay I don’t know his name since it’s all about Stephani) tailored their guest list to only include very wealthy friends. Doing it that way, Stephani reasons, will guarantee expensive gifts.
There’s more, thank Jah. Stephani will also be on next week’s episode of Bridezillas and I’ll be right there, front and center, staring doe-eyed at the TV ready to report on Stephani’s special day, dammit. After all, how could I refuse? Stephani “doesn’t like hearing the word no from anyone. At all.”
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Posted on August 16, 2007