Another Beachwood Special Report
In perhaps the city’s biggest loss of an athlete since Mark DeRosa’s painful departure, Bears backup quarterback Josh McCown has left in free agency to sign with the Tampa Bay Buccaneers. Gross.
While McCown is widely believed to have left Chicago for both more money and the chance to start, the Beachwood has learned that many other factors informed McCown’s decision.
* Lovie Smith assured him Josh is our quarterback.
* Was always a huge Lee Roy Selmon fan.
* Tired of paying street tax for his Cuban cigars here.
* Doesn’t like the way Rahm is privatizing Chicago’s school system.
* Grossed out by Roberto Garza’s butt.
* Bears wouldn’t let him wear No. 54.
* No longer dating Jenny McCarthy.
* Wanted to leave on a high note.
* Was tired of being forced to room with Jeff Joniak on the road.
* A huge Joe Maddon fan.
* Prettier color scheme.
* Would rather swim with the manatees than run from the rats.
* Dibs finally got to him.
* They play way more Jimmy Buffett on the radio down there.
* Hopes to be teammates with Devin Hester again.
* Too upset with Chicagoland to stay.
* Always wanted to dress like a pirate.
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Comments welcome.
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1. From Steve Rhodes:
Was seeking a Mark DeRosa-type deal.
Posted on March 12, 2014