By Carl Mohrbacher

Room For Improvement
The title isn’t meant to be a sarcastic quip. I suggest we take the Bears defense into a room and beat them until they improve.
And by “we,” I mean a group of guys who are in much better shape than I am. Possibly led by Bennie Cunningham or any other athlete who ever occupied a spot on the Rams running back depth chart (go get ’em Eric Dickerson!) or maybe even a star of the Food Network (go get ’em Robert Irvine!).
Sunday’s game suuuhhhhh-cked.
You may be saying “Hey Carl, we clicked over here from the vintage porn site because we’re looking for hard-hitting football analysis during our 20-minute refractory period. Tell us exactly what sucked so bad about it.”
To which I say:

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Posted on November 28, 2013

By Dan O’Shea

It’s that special time of year when we honor fantasy football flops, the players who by all rights should have delivered handsome returns to their fantasy owners but just couldn’t seem to get it together. We’re nice enough to invite them to the Thanksgiving table, but the award we put on their plates is The Pope’s Nose, more or less the butt-flap of turkey. When you have ruined someone’s chance at fantasy football glory, a bird’s butt-flap is all you’re getting.
This year’s – ahem – winners:

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Posted on November 27, 2013

By Jim Coffman

Hey Bears brass, there is one thing you could do today that would absolutely energize everyone connected with the defense. And after Sunday’s 42-21 loss to the Rams, it couldn’t be clearer that something must be done.
You could move Shea McClellin back to linebacker – at least some of the time.
He is overmatched at defensive end. It is painfully obvious. The Rams repeatedly ran right at him to start the game and the result was a series of big plays. And the team has depth at end, what with David Bass having stepped up last game and with Corey Wootten sure to move back to his best position on the end of the line if the Bears can ever keep someone healthy at tackle for more than a game or two.

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Posted on November 25, 2013

By Mike Luce

What is the right reaction to the emerging Jameis Winston allegations?
College football fans, sports fans with passing interest, and anyone who scans the USA Today sports section has been inundated by a barrage of breaking news about the story this week.
Winston, the leading Heisman Trophy candidate and quarterback for undefeated Florida State (#2), faces allegations of sexual assault stemming from an incident last year.

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Posted on November 22, 2013

By Carl Mohrbacher

Depending on where you live in the Chicagoland area, you may have had your regularly scheduled Bears broadcast preempted by incessant weather reports or annoying gray screens insisting you “seek shelter.”
Hey, Mary Kay Kleist and the CBS meteorological team, if I want to know if it’s raining, I’ll step outside and attempt to prevent my grill from blowing through the concrete facade of the Taco Bell seven blocks from my home.
So while the Bears were slogging their way to a gutsy/gusty 23-20 OT victory, my family and guests were huddled in the basement . . . which is where we put all of the exotic beers my buddy brings over. Nothing quells the fear of impending doom like a liter of Serpent’s Stout.

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Posted on November 21, 2013

By Steve Rhodes

Still-new Bears coach Marc Trestman opened his press conference on Tuesday by first extending his sympathy to victims of Sunday’s tornadoes, and then to fans who stuck out the horrible weather to watch the game at Soldier Field.
That might not seem unusual, but it’s actually a 180-degree turn from the antagonistic Halas Hall culture that Lovie Smith created over his tenure.
Trestman then turned to reviewing the game, telling reporters “First, I’ll give you some content – some things you guys can work with.”
“Okay!” I heard The Score’s Dan Bernstein over the station’s broadcast of the press conference. I mean, thanks! Is this guy for real?
And then Trestman did something really extraordinary – extraordinary in part because it shouldn’t be unusual at all in professional sports but is incredibly rare: He explained a controversial strategic decision he made as fully as any head coach in the history of the NFL has done. And he did so without becoming defensive or patronizing. In other words, he behaved like an adult who understands not just his inside view of the game but the way the game looks from fans and reporters on the outside (desperate to know more).

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Posted on November 20, 2013

By Jim Coffman

Let’s hear it for the defense!
The Bear D gave up some long drives on Sunday and some big plays right from the start. But in the end they held the Ravens to 20 points and tossed in a touchdown to boot. That was just good enough for a 23-20 overtime triumph.
And sure enough, the always reliable Lions dropped a winnable game (they scored 27 points in the second quarter alone!) versus Pittsburgh and the Midway Monsters moved right back into a tie for first place in the North Division.
Yes, I know Detroit owns the tie-breaker. And yes the Lions lost on the road while the Bears barely eked one out at home and now play four of their next five games on the road. I’ve got it, OK? There will be plenty of time to talk about that tomorrow, or whenever.

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Posted on November 18, 2013

By Carl Mohrbacher

Coming to theaters next summer, Jay Cutler (high ankle), Lance Briggs (mid shoulder), Peanut Tillman (Eastern arm tear), Brad Pitt, Henry Melton (most of knee), Kelvin Hayden (meat off of leg bone), George Clooney, Nate Collins (knee stuff still strewn about football field), Andy Garcia, Kristin Cavallari, Don Cheadle, Matt Damon, The Ghost of Sir Francis Drake (deceased), Julia Roberts, D.J. Williams (ripped chest/shredded abs . . . damn you T25!), John Boehner and Ryan Seacrest star in Steven Soderbergh’s Smug Caper Movie Number Six.

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Posted on November 14, 2013

By Dan O’Shea

Back in the preseason, I was in love with the idea of drafting legendary tight end Tony Gonzalez. He was headed into the final year of his career as a still strong option in a prolific offense. I felt the Falcons would get him the ball often, especially near the end zone.
Many weeks later, Gonzalez does have respectable numbers for his position – 505 yards receiving and four TDs – but more than 20 percent of his yards and half his TDs came in one game.
Out of nine games played, he has had one week with the stats I expected for him all year, and two more weeks in which he delivered decent fantasy value.
And now, there is a good chance that in Week 11, he will miss his first game in seven years with a foot injury, or will at least be very limited.
With very little fantasy regular season left, I’ve decided to dump him on the waiver wire. But at a thin position, is there any way to come up with something better?
Here are a few ideas, all available in more than 40% of Yahoo! leagues:

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Posted on November 14, 2013

Will Face Philadelphia Flyers Or Baltimore Bandits

The year is 2017.
The captain is Stevie Shelton.
The goaltender Michael Santiago.
The uniforms are phosphorescent.

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Posted on November 12, 2013