Chicago -
By Steve Rhodes
This week in Cub Factor news:
* Theo Epstein Tells Doris Davis To Fuck Off And Die.
* Pete Ricketts Tries To Buy Nebraska Governorship After Failing To Buy Nebraska Senate Seat.
* Future Cubs Disappointments Still Far Away.
* Cody Ransom Assigned Term Paper On How He Is So Bad The Cubs Designated Him For This Assignment.
* Cubs Forced To Live Vicariously Through Alternate Calendar.
Posted on September 9, 2013
By Roger Wallenstein
He played in just 12 games for the Yankees in 1919 with just a couple of singles in 22 at-bats, not exactly the kind of numbers that would enable him to stick around the next season when Babe Ruth arrived in The Bronx.
However, his life in professional sports was just beginning for the 24-year-old George Stanley Halas.
Once again, all 53 Chicago Bears displayed the “GSH” initials on their left sleeve on Sunday, as they presented new coach Marc Trestman with a 24-21 victory 94 years after the team’s founder tried to figure out how to hit the curve in the American League.
Folks who feel a sense of relief now that football has returned need not be weighed down with guilt. Even though the baseball season has three more weeks to run before it reaches its merciful conclusion, no one needs to chastise local fans for abandoning ship weeks ago.
Posted on September 9, 2013
By Mike Luce
Could Sam Houston St. upset Texas A&M?
That’s a clown question, bro.
But Johnny “Football” Manziel will upset somebody on Saturday, because he’s a clown quarterback.
To review: Out of 800 total possible points, ala the SATs, Manziel earned a 740 in the opener for his antics after entering the game against Rice. Suspended for the first half for pseudo-allegations of NCAA rules stemming from signing some autographs, Manziel drew a penalty for taunting a Rice defender following a touchdown, his third, in the fourth quarter. Texas A&M head coach Kevin Sumlin was displeased in the sophomore’s behavior and yanked him from the game early.
Still, the talking heads who seized on the chance to weigh in, with escalating hyperbole, were a bit hard to take:
Posted on September 6, 2013
By Carl Mohrbacher
Unwilling to remain mired in competitive purgatory, Phil Emery has put his stamp on the franchise by installing a coaching staff that emphasizes a check-down-centric passing attack while making no changes to the defense at all.
For those of you who watched Swamp Road Boo Boo Truckers: Amish Invasion instead of the NFL Network in June (you’re goddamn right I want to see Sterling Sharpe’s childhood shanty), I’ll take a moment to summarize the offseason.
Posted on September 5, 2013
By Steve Rhodes
When you can no longer go to the ballpark for pleasure, you can go for the promotions. And the Cubs’ September schedule is loaded.
Date: September 7
Promotion: American Doll Day
Comment: Fans are encouraged to come back in eight years when the doll can be equipped with her own “Old Style beer attachment” and “drunken frat boy – now with real hurl!”
*
Date: September 8
Promotion: Chest Protector Backpack Giveaway
Comment: If only the backpack protected your front, where your heart resides, because they’ve been breaking that for the past 105 years.
Posted on September 4, 2013
By Dan O’Shea
One of the biggest challenges of managing a fantasy football team is submitting to the weekly sit-or-start crucible. And trying to decide who to sit and who to start is even tougher the very first week of the season, when you have nothing to go on but last year’s performances and your own hunches.
The hardest sit-or-start decision I’m facing this week revolves around Torrey Smith. The fantasy football world seems to be in almost universal agreement that Smith is going to have a breakout year. He’s a very fast, young receiver who made some big plays last year mostly as the No. 2 target for Joe Flacco, but the departure of Anquan Boldin and an injury to Dennis Pitta, combined with Smith’s obvious talent and growing experience, make him a clear No. 1 who should get the ball often throughout the season.
Smith, however, squares off in the NFL’s first Week 1 match-up on Thursday night against the traditionally tough Denver secondary. There is a chance veteran cornerback Champ Bailey won’t be playing, but Denver’s defense overall was tied for the NFL lead in sacks last year, and was fourth in fewest points allowed. I’m also wondering if Smith himself will be a little jittery in his first stint as his team’s clear No. 1 target.
Posted on September 4, 2013
By Jim Coffman
Perhaps the best way to approach a sports prediction is to think of oneself as a football team needing to travel a certain distance in a play or two.
There are manageable down-and-distance combos, such as Patriots and Packers predictions, that are the equivalent of a third-and-two.
There are teams that seem certain to finish with more than 10 victories this time around, but that sort of conversion (the team wins its 11th game and the pundit who prognosticated correctly earns a first down!) isn’t terribly impressive.
Then there are this year’s Bears. The 2013 Bears are fourth-and-20. There is no denying that the smart thing to do is punt.
Posted on September 4, 2013
By Roger Wallenstein
Labor Day is such an innocuous, nondescript holiday. No fireworks, no counting down the seconds until midnight, no turkey, no gift-giving, not much of anything. I heard there was a parade in Naperville but other than the Napervillians, I can’t imagine circling September 2 on my calendar.
The first Monday in September simply has morphed into a marker for the end of summer. What sane person looks forward to the last day of summer? When I was a kid, school always began the day after Labor Day. Same deal when I was a teacher. Didn’t make any difference. Labor Day was not something you looked forward to.
Posted on September 2, 2013
