Chicago - A message from the station manager

I Am A Wrigley Beer Vendor

By Wrigley Beer Man

People often ask me what the worst part about my job as a Wrigley Field beer vendor is. (“You mean, other than watching maddeningly mediocre baseball year in and year out?” I always want to ask.) For me, this is an easy one. It’s not lugging my product up and down the aisles like some 21st-century pack mule. It’s not even the drunk and sometimes staggeringly rude fans. Without question, it’s the hour-and-a-half I’m forced to spend before each game mindlessly waiting for the day’s assignment with my fellow grizzled and unwashed vendors.
Back in the “good old days” – I put this in quotation marks because the Old Guard is always pining for times gone by, when vendors allegedly made heaps of money without interference from The Man – we used to congregate before games on Waveland Avenue, near the day-of-game ticket windows across from the firehouse. But a few years back, the Cubs moved the vendors’ staging area to a gated, concrete slab around the corner on Clark Street, affectionately known as “The Cage.”
And that is where my fellow beer dudes and I spend a cramped and noisy couple of hours before each Cubs home game, waiting restlessly for our vending assignments and for fans to flood into the Friendly Confines. Since most vendors don’t have the time or inclination to chat during games, it’s here – in The Cage before games that we do most of our socializing.

Read More

Posted on June 30, 2011

Saving Sears

By Tim Willette and Steve Rhodes

Not only is Sears threatening to leave Chicago, it’s threatening to leave the planet. Business Insider pegs Sears as one of its 10 brands that will disappear in 2012. We think that would be a shame.
Here, then, are 20 ways to save Sears.
1. Widen aisles to accommodate flash mobs.
2. Introduce Craftswymyn brand to target lesbian carpenter demographic.
3. Lift longstanding ban on Sam Sianis’ goat.
4. Resist impulse to merge with Montgomery Ward.
5. Add slots and video poker to the consumer electronics section.

Read More

Posted on June 27, 2011

The Week in WTF

By David Rutter

1. Wieners and wieners, WTF?
Here’s another difference between Chicago and New York: In Chicago we put them on buns, add mustard and then litigate. In New York, they also elect them.
2. Roger Ebert’s tweet, WTF?
If you are famous for an entertainment franchise built on spiraling daredevil indifference to common sense and then die drunk-driving your Porsche at 140 mph, can you still lay claim to posthumous sensitivity?

Read More

Posted on June 24, 2011

Our Summer Staycation

Enjoying Chicago Beachwood-Style

Making the best of it.
* Law & Disorder. The Blago trial will apparently run all summer. You may not get a seat in the courtroom, but hang out in the cafeteria and try to influence lunching jurors.
* Rough Justice. Better than Law & Order. Pick a murder trial; better – blog it.
* Gang Wars. Take a lawn chair to K Town and watch the action, just like the elite did during the Civil War. Make sure you wear the right colors for the side of the street you choose.
* Grant Park Softball Leagues. See those “fundamentals” that you always hear about but can’t see at Wrigley or The Cell.
* Play Flash Mob. Terrorize tourists on North Michigan Avenue by pretending to be a flash mob. Watch their relief when they realize your gun is a lighter.

Read More

Posted on June 23, 2011

Chicagoetry: Buzz

By J.J. Tindall

Buzz
Like steel tadpoles
held aloft by buzzsaws,
two choppers converge
south of Union Station.
Buzzsaws drone, the wind
batoning crescendo
and diminuendo.
Like burnished buzzards
circling a ravaged gazelle,
drones of the kinetic gazette
hover, and arrest the gaze.

Read More

Posted on June 21, 2011

The Week in WTF

By David Rutter

1. Tom Ricketts, WTF?
The Cubs are 10 games out, but the owner is not upset with Jim Hendry, Mike Quade, Carlos Zambrano, or the Cubs in general.
Or Wrigley Field or that his team wore “Fuck The Goat” T-shirts on the field for a public practice recently. Classy.
He also is not upset with world hunger, nuclear arms proliferation or the Rwandan genocide.

Read More

Posted on June 17, 2011

Game Over For National Pinball Museum?

By Lee Powell/AP

At the National Pinball Museum in Washington, D.C., the history of the game with its rolling metal balls and noisy flippers is a passion for David Silverman.

Read More

Posted on June 16, 2011

Collapse: It’s Coming! Are You Ready?

A Trend Alert From Trends Journal

Everything is not alright. And things are going to get worse . . . much worse. The economy is on the threshold of calamity. Wars are spreading like wildfires. The world is on a razor’s edge.
Not so, say world leaders and mainstream media experts. Yes, there are problems, but the financiers and politicians are aware of them. Policies are already in place and measures are being taken to correct them.
Whether it’s failing economies, intractable old wars or raging new wars, the word from the top always maintains that steady progress is being made and comforts the populace with assurances that the brightest minds and the sharpest generals are in charge and on the case. On all fronts, success is certain and victory is at hand. Only “patience” is required . . . along with more men, more time and more money.
As far as these “leaders” and their media are concerned, the only opinions that count come from a stable of thoroughbred experts, official sources and political favorites. Only they have the credentials to speak with authority and provide trustworthy forecasts. That they are consistently, if not invariably, wrong apparently does nothing to diminish their credibility.
How can any thinking adult possibly imagine that the same central bankers, financiers and politicians responsible for creating the economic crisis are capable of resolving it? Within days of its announcement, we predicted that Bush’s TARP (Troubled Asset Relief Program) was destined to fail, and subsequently predicted the same for Obama’s stimulus package (The American Recovery and Reinvestment Act). They were no more than cover-ups; there would be no recovery.

Read More

Posted on June 14, 2011

1 2