Chicago -
By David Rutter
1. Tom Dart, WTF?
He’s not running for mayor of Chicago; he’s not running for U.S. Senate. Leave me alone! I WANT TO BE SHERIFF of COOK COUNTY! There are tears and sobs and pleas for understanding.
Okay, okay, calm down; we get it.
But as much as we like Tom Dart based on what we empirically know about him (which I’d suggest is Almost Nothing), is WTF the only one feeling slightly irritated by the Dart penchant for tease?
Posted on October 29, 2010
By Brett McNeil
All day yesterday and into this morning, the TV news here has been airing admiring stories about Mt. Merapi’s former spiritual gatekeeper, a much admired but apparently deeply stubborn 83-year-old shaman-volcanologist who went by the name Mbah Marijan.
He died Tuesday when he refused to leave his volcano-side home, despite many repeated efforts by authorities and friends to get him off Merapi. I wrote a little yesterday about the televised scene of rescue workers prying his body from the ashes of his home. Watching on TV as workers manhandled his corpse – images of a sort we never or very rarely see on TV news in the United States – I felt like maybe some moments, including this one, ought to remain private.
What did I or anyone else gain by way of understanding the story of Merapi’s eruption with unfettered, unvarnished, televised access to the guy’s death chamber? Yeah, it was gross. Yeah, the guy’s very dead. And?
I still think the footage was in poor taste but what’s really grotesque is the fawning encomiums for Marijan (whose real name, according to the New York Times, was Penewu Suraksohargo) that fail to mention his central and very direct role in the deaths of 13 other people at Merapi the other day.
Posted on October 28, 2010
By The Beachwood Bankrupt Culture Desk
“Tribune Co. has submitted a revised reorganization plan in the latest attempt to end its nearly two-year stint in bankruptcy protection,” AP reports.
–
The intrepid Beachwood Bankrupt Culture Desk has obtained that plan. Here are the highlights.
* Tribune Tower to be converted into a cozy little bed and breakfast.
* Lap dances no longer qualify as legitimate lunch expenses.
* Statue of Peter Francis Geraci to replace statue of Nathan Hale at entrance to Tribune Tower.
* Entire inventory of Sam Zell bobbleheads to be “liquidated forthwith” at the Swap-O-Rama in Alsip.
* All unexpired points on Hooter’s frequent visitor cards to be delivered to secured creditors no later than one week prior to Mardi Gras.
* Strippers will not be considered secured creditors.
Posted on October 25, 2010
By David Rutter
1. Benjamin Homel, WTF?
At long last, our national nightmare is over. The infidels have the left the building at Tribune Tower. It’s safe there to be smug and sanctimonious again.
Innovation officer Lee Abrams (Memo to staff: “Hey, I just invented unemployment”) has said adios and CEO henchman-in-chief Randy Michaels will follow momentarily.
This leaves mostly radio programmer Kevin “Pig Virus” Metheny hanging in the lakeshore breeze. The car is warming up as we speak.
Once he’s gone, only one question remains. Why did Benjamin Homel change his name to Randy Michaels in the 70s?
Posted on October 22, 2010
By J.J. Tindall
Saturday Afternoon
Music, if music, is divine,
the sub-atomic matter of divinity.
Not as a god but as a god might be.
He savored the complacencies
of a beer run, illumined by siren song,
the luminous trill of a woman’s voice
in Spanish–not the tyrannous bleat
of emergency engines–sluicing through
ash-grey alleys like invisible water
through caverns of Indian-corn brick,
fluttering, flirting and luring,
lute en fleur.
Posted on October 19, 2010
By Brett McNeil
I thought it might take some getting used to, driving on the left side of the road after a lifetime on the other side of the yellow line. But driving in Indonesia isn’t really about sides. It’s about space: If there’s a space, someone will fill it. Headed to town for a fried rice dinner? Watch out for three motorcycles in your lane, coming your way. Oh, and mind the Toyota Kijang SUV that’s swung wide to pass a tottering pedicab. The Kijang’s taking up most of your lane, and its driver is closing in at about 40 miles per hour. You’d pull toward the outside but there are six people walking in the street right there and you’re boxed in between a Honda Civic with a new lime green paint job and a tour bus with a chrome sun shade that reads “Total Cowboy.” The bus driver blasts his horn so people will just naturally drift over and out of the way, only there’s nowhere to go to get out of the way. So what? He keeps honking. The Kijang blows by, maybe eight inches from your foot. Normal. And here comes a man with about 100 chickens inside a plastic cage that’s balancing on the back of his motorcycle seat. Right at you. And another guy with, I don’t know, 50 or 60 pounds of banana leaves bundled on his back. Cutting across your lane, two friends on a little black Honda are somehow transporting a small-but-not-insubstantial refrigerator.
Posted on October 18, 2010
By David Rutter
1. Tribune, WTF?
The Tribune Company apparently is angry at almost everyone this week, and there likewise is a full balcony of people mad at the Trib, too. Whom you ask? Media critics. Fans of good taste. Bar hostesses who didn’t get $100 offers to show their superstructure. People who remember what the Trib used to be.
The Trib is angry mostly at Gov. Pat Quinn (D-Dense).
Posted on October 15, 2010
By The Beachwood Adult Halloween Affairs Desk
Scott Buckner is doing grown-up trick-or-treating this Halloween. I’m going door to door with just a shot glass.
– Buckner’s Facebook feed
Not bad, Buckner, but don’t stop there.
* Dress in rags and say you’re the City of Chicago budget.
* Do your trick-or-treating the following day as a CTA bus or train. Because you’re never on time.
* Dress like a Chicago cop and lug around a car battery and some jumper cables. You’re Commander Jon Burge!
* Dress like a fish and smack people in the head when they answer the door. Tell them you’re an Asian carp.
* Buy a Barack Obama mask. Go around stealing everyone’s candy and give it to people working in banks.
* Dress yourself in fairy wings, a tiara, and a magic wand. Tell everyone you’re a Republican.
Posted on October 14, 2010
By The Federal Citizen Information Center
October is Fire Prevention Month. And now that fall is here, it’s important to remember how easily fires can spread this time of year. With these tips from the Federal Citizen Information Center, learn what to do to prevent and survive a fire.
In just two minutes, a fire can become life threatening. In five minutes, a whole house can be destroyed. Read up on fire safety procedures and devices that can help save you and your family.
Damage to outside electrical equipment such as lighting and power cords can start a fire or cause a shock, so checking them regularly is vital to keeping your family and home protected. To help get you started, use the Electrical Safety Foundation International’s outdoor safety checklist.
Posted on October 13, 2010
