By Drew Adamek
I’ve been reading over my last couple of lists and it struck me that a reader could reasonably infer that I am a dark and unhappy person.
It seems I am writing more “barely survived” this and “contemplating suicide” that and “many are my struggles” than I actually feel.
One could get the impression that I spend a lot of time hanging on to a dark and gloomy emotional precipice, hanging on for my very sanity, saved in the nick of time only by Metallica songs, brooding navel-gazing and the love of a good woman.
While that might have once been true, the real story is that it’s been decades since life has been all that tough. My self-loathing and self-destruction are long, long, long gone.
In fact, life now is pretty fucking good. I’ve got a fantastic wife, a rewarding career and a cadre of lifelong friends. I live in a great town, have a super apartment and very little daily stress. I like my life; I treasure the unique experiences I get to have and I wouldn’t trade for any other life in the world.
I am, dare I say, happy.
Sure, I want more money and recognition but I really am living my best-case scenario. The comfort and ease of my life now makes all that long-ago negative shit seem like it simply belongs to someone else.
And yes, sometimes depression and anxiety creep up, but I am old enough and smart enough now to know how to use effective coping skills.
Writing about that distant, dysfunctional time is easy. It is a rich vein of material; the anguish and struggle from back then are dramatic and memorable. My current life of watching Family Guy every night at 6 and going to the farmer’s market on Thursdays is much harder source material to use in building a compelling narrative.
I like pessimism and doom-and-gloom because it is comforting to think everything sucks from the outset so there is nothing I can do to make it any better. But the truth is that happiness requires responsibility, and I ain’t so big on that. My happiness requires perspective and gratitude, healthy attitudes I am still learning.
Happiness also takes work and practice; it doesn’t come with the instant gratification I think I deserve. I have to always remind myself how good I have it and how far God has brought me.
Here, then, are things that make me really fucking happy:
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Posted on August 15, 2010
