Chicago -
By David Rutter
It’s always nice to return home from vacation and encounter the WTF Moments that occurred while you were gone.
1. Walter Jacobson, WTF?
In a Channel 2 commentary this week, Jacobson scolds U.S. Attorney Patrick Fitzgerald for the timing of the Blagojevich trial – during the summer run-up to fall elections – and, thus by dint of reality forced into the discussion, making Democrats look bad for having turned Illinois government into a pawn shop.
Posted on June 11, 2010
By Drew Adamek
I’ve made a living off of my ideas for the last ten years or so, either as an investigator with a civic watchdog group, a magazine legman or a researcher with a documentary television company. Professionally, I am just amazed sometimes that I earn a buck on the dumb shit that comes out of the recesses of my juvenile brain.
My personal life is a different story though. There have been some real stinker ideas over the years. The ideas I am talking about here aren’t really life changing – just kind of stupid and a little lame.
I don’t mean the big ones – dropping out of high school, leaving Chicago, not paying taxes in the 90s. I am talking about the mostly harmless, silly ideas that made me look stupid or a little thoughtless. (When I told my wife that I was writing this list, she said, “Oh boy, that’s going to be a long one.”)
Most of the bad ideas from my past stem from rushing headlong into some half-heard, misunderstood concept that I didn’t bother thinking through: someone told me something outlandish, I believed it and raced to get involved with no thought to the consequences.
A lot of these involve my childhood best friend. We were experts at goading each other out of thinking something all the way through. You know how you have a small inner voice of reason that tells you why you shouldn’t do something? Well, we were just the opposite.
Here, then, are my most memorable half-assed ideas:
Posted on June 9, 2010
By Drew Adamek
I’ve never been one much for consequences. I’ve lived most my life with a catch-as-catch-can, seat-of-the-pants, improvisational philosophy; unexpected and constant change and a crippling fear of responsibility have led to a lifetime of skillfully avoiding the consequences of my actions.
My motto is “We’ll just figure it out when we get there.” I’ve been able to do that over the last 25 years or so because I’ve never been caught doing anything that has had a lifelong impact: no kids, no convictions, no diseases.
I feel like I’ve skated through life, underachieving and fucking everything up because I was smarter than everyone else and getting out of all my messes relatively unscathed because, well, I was smarter than everyone else. (Pretty clear how I’d get caught in a circle of shit sandwiches, right?)
I’ve made some really dumb decisions over time, and yet, somehow managed to build a pretty good life for myself. Sometimes I am not sure how I’ve come to be as happy and successful as I feel. I don’t understand how the past-tense, teenage Drew that decided to leave home early and drop out of high school and bail on his friends all those years ago deserves to feel as happily married, financially secure and professionally rewarded as I do now.
I’ve managed to skirt my way around the big fuck-up stuff without a scratch but there is a more sinister set of consequences creeping up on me that I know I cannot and will not avoid: age and physical deterioration.
I don’t mean the extra weight or the creaking joints or the “things were better then” bullshit that I am going through. That I understand: junk food, a sedentary life and unrealistic nostalgia will do that to you.
I am getting older and I can tell in other, more subtle ways. I really don’t mind aging; I am proud of my gray hair, and I like feeling battle-hardened and experienced when things get tough.
I am talking about the subtle changes and shifts in attitude and lifestyle that make me look down the path of time I’ve trod and realize that it ain’t 1989 any fucking more.
Here, then, are the signs that I am growing up and getting older:
Posted on June 4, 2010
By The Beachwood Railways Department
“Caterpillar Inc. of Peoria, the world’s largest maker of construction equipment, said Tuesday that it agreed to buy locomotive manufacturer Electro-Motive Diesel Inc. of La Grange for $820 million to expand its rail and transit businesses,” Bloomberg News reported this week.
Mmm, Electro-Motive Diesel . . . Let’s take a look.
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1. The bridge is the money shot.
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Posted on June 3, 2010
By The Federal Citizen Information Center
With Memorial Day behind us, summer has officially started – time for picnics, cookouts and lots of grilling. Before you fire up your grill or head to a picnic or cookout, make sure you check out these safety tips from the Federal Citizen Information Center:
Handle with care. Read the Food Safety at Home publication from the Food and Drug Administration’s Office of Women’s Health for tips on preparing dishes to avoid food-borne illnesses and prevent spoiling. For example, if you’re cooking with several kinds of raw food, keep meat, poultry and seafood to themselves so their juices don’t contaminate other food.
Posted on June 2, 2010
By The Beachwood Inbox Affairs Desk
We recently cleaned out some e-mail folders here at Beachwood HQ and came across a collection of our favorite spam. Warning: NSFW/W (Not Safe For Work/Wimps).
1. SUBJECT: Old Witchcraft Secrets – make your wildest dreams come true.
“Old Witchcraft Secrets” will show you in detail,how you can cast powerful spells, to make your wildest dreams come true.
It’s NOT your fault that your spells and rituals aren’t turning out like you want . . . YET.
The truth is… you’ve been misled by self-proclaimed powerful wizards and witches… and the truth is that 99% of these ‘professionals’ are DEAD WRONG!
Posted on June 1, 2010
