By George Ofman
The Broncos are 6-0! Kyle Orton has a higher passer rating than Jay Cutler (100.1 to 86.9), whose Bears are 3-2, has thrown for nine touchdowns and just one interception while Cutler has thrown 10 touchdowns and a whopping seven INTs. Orton has averaged 244 yards per game while Cutler is at 240, his yards per pass are higher (7.55 to 6.98) and they have the same completion percentage. They’re just numbers but I thought you’d like to know.
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And Cedric Benson has rushed for 531 yards, which happens to be third best in the league. No doubt, it’s the bong. Will you please pass it to Matt Forte and his offensive line?

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Posted on October 23, 2009

By Eric Emery
Obama called for Americans to be responsible. Are we? Here’s what I know. About two weeks ago, Time had a special advertising section about responsibility. Liberty Mutual has some tag line about responsibility. NBC got into the act last week where the dude who plays Kenneth on 30 Rock had an animated short about responsibility. To answer my question, I’m not sure if Americans are more responsible, but there sure is an opportunity to make money on it.
Making money isn’t lost on the NFL.The following are some of the upcoming changes to capitalize on the responsibility craze:
* All cheerleaders are to wear comfortable boots, thick tops, and insulated hats with the silly flaps over the ears. Everybody knows that humans lose most of their heat through the feet, torso, and head.
* When a running back fakes a defensive player to perfection, the running back is to pick up the defensive player’s jock so nobody trips on it later.
* To prevent hearing loss, NFL referees are to use dog whistles.
* Plaxico Burress’ gun will be replaced with a toy gun that shoots confetti.

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Posted on October 22, 2009

By Dan O’Shea
When the New England Patriots picked up wide receiver Joey Galloway for this season, it seemed like he had the potential to be yet another faded veteran revived and deployed to great value by crafty Coach Bill Belichick, With the return of a healthy Tom Brady, Galloway had the speed and the experience to be part of a great three-headed pass-catching monster, along with Randy Moss and Wes Welker. In fact, with Welker injured, Galloway had the potential to be Brady’s No. 2 target for at least a few weeks.

Today’s Ofman: Huet Must Go

But none of that happened. The Patriots simply chose not to play him, even after he scored on a kickoff return in Week 4 (that made us recommend him as a hot pick-up – oops). It was a very strange demotion, and there has been some speculation that Galloway and Brady just didn’t click. In any case, when the Pats scored 59 points in Week 6 on 6 Brady touchdown passes – all without the services of Galloway – the writing was on the wall. New England released Galloway this week, and his departure has the potential to give more playing time to a relative unknown named Julian Edelman, who may have notable fantasy potential if only for his highly rare combination of position eligibilities: QB and WR.
So, given the opportunity to drop Galloway and/or pick up Edelman, what should you do?
Our Fantasy Fix Action Ratings have the answers:

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Posted on October 21, 2009

By George Ofman
First and foremost, let me say how much I respect and admire Dale Tallon.
Second, let me say how he may have gummed up the Blackhawks’ chances of winning a Stanley Cup.
Third, let me state emphatically that Cristobal Huet won’t cut it. Not now, not later.
This is how you get extricated from the job as general manager.

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Posted on October 21, 2009

By Mike Luce
This week, let’s take a look at the follies of the top BCS teams, as ranked in the first poll released by the Bowl Championship Series HAL 9000 on Sunday night. The top teams are, in order: Florida, ‘Bama, Texas, Boise, Cincy, Iowa, USC, TCU, LSU, and Miami (FL). (LSU was idle this week.)
Game: Arkansas 20 @ #1 Florida 23 (-24.5)
What was supposed to happen? For the first time since the loss to Ole Miss last year, skeptics have begun questioning Florida’s spot atop the FBS rankings. With dominant performances by Alabama, some claim Florida might not be the best team in the SEC, much less the nation. The lingering effects of a concussion (or possibly, a new play-it-safe offensive game plan) seemed to limit Florida QB Tim Tebow last week. The Gators hoped to dispel any questions against the high-powered offense of Arkansas.
Despite putting up some gaudy numbers, the Razorbacks didn’t notch a significant win until Week 6 against the then-ranked Auburn Tigers. The game against Florida would show if QB Mallett could make things happen against arguably the best defense in the country.
What actually happened? I don’t know if Tebow still feels a little woozy, but he doesn’t seem to play with the same reckless abandon. The box score shows 27 rushing attempts by Tebow, but his longest run only went for 16 yards. Perhaps sensing some vulnerability, Arkansas didn’t hesitate to blitz again and again. Typically, Tebow has been able to shrug off would-be tacklers either back in the pocket or down field but he seemed to go down without much of a fight on Saturday.

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Posted on October 20, 2009

By Jim Coffman
He almost pulled it off.
Jay Cutler almost overcame a second 10-yard penalty and a false start thrown in for good measure on the Bears’ final drive Sunday night. But yet another penalty (a false start by Orlando Pace off all people – come on Mr. Future Hall-of-Famer!) turned out to be a hurdle too high. The Bears couldn’t quite tie it back up in the end, losing to the Falcons to fall to 3-2 on the season.

Ofman: Our Dumb Bears

Up until the final 10 minutes, it was an uneven day for the franchise QB. There was some good stuff early but then a couple interceptions that were completely his fault. Even though Cutler made a few good throws while back-pedaling during the first quarter of the season (including the fourth-quarter, game-tying touchdown to Johnny Knox against Pittsburgh), you still hate to see him do it. And sure enough, during the Bears’ first foray into the red zone, Cutler was headed back, back, back until he tried to zip a pass in front of Devin Hester. But Cutler failed to account for the safety who came up and grabbed the pick.

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Posted on October 19, 2009

By George Ofman
How do I hate thee, let me count the ways.
How about two interceptions, back-to-back fumbles by the same guy, offensive linemen who can’t count and block, special teams that can’t tackle, an invisible pass rush, defenders who fall on fumbles, too many men on the field, coaches who were clueless . . .
And the Bears still could have won the game.
We had to wait two weeks for this?

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Posted on October 19, 2009

By Eric Emery
Last week, a group including conservative columnist Rush Limbaugh, announced their intention to by the St. Louis Rams. The Chicago Bears management was surprised by the announcement; mostly because they had no idea conservatism was so profitable. After this epiphany, the Bears turned to more conservative practices, such as:

Beachwood Sports: Ofman: Dis and Dat TrackNotes: Illinois Online The College Football Report

Change: Pay structure change to “Cutlernomics.”
Result: Bears pay Jay Cutler $90 million a year, and Cutler pays the rest of the team as he sees fit.
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Change: A new Bears social program called “Urlacher Works.”
Result: Those deadbeat kids work around the house. No more free handouts.
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Change: “Adamstinence” programs.
Result: DT Anthony Adams teaches Brian Urlacher about abstinence, instead of handing him a condom.

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Posted on October 16, 2009

By Thomas Chambers
Now we wait.
It’s four weekends until the 25th Breeders’ Cup World Championships, hosted by the Oak Tree Meet at Santa Anita.
This is where you tend to a few things you need to do around the house, keep an eye on the Daily Racing Form and other publications, and swear to yourself you’re not going to over-handicap the races.
And it’s not too early to plan your Cup venue. I’m shying away from the OTB after not being able to muster much interest from what’s left of the old Jackson St. (I know it’s a boulevard, but that’s what they named it) OTB gang in reserving a private room. But thinking back, those guys never stayed until the end at the old place, never got worked up like me about the Breeders’ Cup.

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Posted on October 16, 2009

By Mike Luce
This weekend features several great match-ups, but the Red River Shootou… wait, it’s no longer called the Shootout? The Texas-Oklahoma game, you know, the one played every year since 1922? We’re calling it the Red River Rivalry now?
Yes, thanks to SBC Communications (and now this year, AT&T) one of college football’s oldest rivalries was re-branded. The series dates back to 1900, but in 2005 the ad men behind the sponsorship dollars decided the impressionable public should be spared such language. Apparently, the boys at corporate feel as though “shootout” may in some way condone gun violence. The Nerfing of America continues.
Other top games include #22 South Carolina at #2 Alabama, #4 Virginia Tech visiting #19 Georgia Tech, and #25 Notre Dame hosting #6 USC.
In the background, the upcoming Bowl Championship Series rankings loom over any game involving a Top 10 team this weekend. The HAL 9000 will crunch all the numbers and spit out the results Sunday night. Here is how it works. Sort of.

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Posted on October 16, 2009