By Patty Hunter

I really love it when we band together against the customers. There is no better way to create a sense of unity than to coalesce against the common enemy, which in this case are the douchebags that attempt to make our lives a little less enjoyable.
The other day, a table sat down and almost immediately started trying to flag down anyone who looked like they worked at the restaurant. (They did not wait long at all for their server.) The busser walks by to clean a table and they wave their hands in his face. Dialogue is as follows.
Impatient assholes: “Hey! We’re ready! We want to order!”
Busser: [Not even stopping as he walks by the table] “Okay.”
And he kept walking. They stared, bewildered. I ran away giggling. They totally deserved it.

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Posted on October 29, 2009

By The Beachwood Meetup Affairs Desk
The newest Chicago meetups.
* The Palatine Raw Some Food Meetup Group
* Chicago Desi Moms Playgroup
* Green Business League
* Let girls be girls
* Europeans At Large

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Posted on October 28, 2009

Date: 10/10/09
From: Roscoe Village
To: West Ridge
The Cab: To be blunt, there’s a chronic smell that perfectly suits the grass green interior. You can pot your feet up and toke it easy; you know, hash a good time. No wonder the availability roof light flickers; it’s mood lighting.

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Posted on October 19, 2009

Date: 10/13/09
From: South Loop
To: Little Village
The Cab: White mini-van cab. Pretty clean, neat but worn down leather covers on the first set of seats. The pattern reminded me a bit of black and tan bowling shows.
The Driver: We should have known we were in trouble. The gold jacket and leopard-print denim pants should have given it away. We apparently caught her during lunch as she was working on a tuna sandwich and chips. She had a Jamaican accent, but while she was kicking us out of the cab, it sounded suspiciously less Jamaican.

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Posted on October 16, 2009

By J.J. Tindall

Illumination
I strove to summon the gods
with cliches of madness. Pose after pose, put on after put on,
point of view after
point of view.
Then the Old Post Office became a sphinx
in a late dawn

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Posted on October 15, 2009

By The Beachwood Village People Affairs Desk
Some ideas for what do to with the plot of land where the Olympic Village would have been built.
* A new federal prison for pols to save on driving so many of them back and forth to Oxford, Yankton and Terre Haute.
* A development owned in part by Michael Scott, Richard Stein, Tim Degnan, Jeremiah Joyce, Robert Vanecko and three mobsters to be named later.
* The Museum of Unbuilt Olympic Villages.

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Posted on October 14, 2009

By Jerome Haller

The shift from my old office job to my first security gig proved smooth and pleasant. Training sessions had provided valuable tips about service to clients. The assignment to a condominium building west of the Loop represented proof of a fairy godmother. Most of the tenants were yuppies. I assumed they possessed social skills. I looked forward to handling the job.
On the first day, I arrived in full uniform: a blue blazer, white shirt, black tie, gray slacks, and black shoes.
The supervisor, a short man with a warm smile, showed me around the building. Afterward, he gave me the duties: watch the security monitor, check in visitors, log in deliveries, handle emergency phone calls and write reports. He also introduced me to the other guards and several tenants. Everyone greeted me politely.
Finally, I plunged into the job. I sat by myself at the security desk most of the time. That suited my personality. I tend to be a loner.
The security company’s emphasis on keeping a professional demeanor paid off on a Saturday night.

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Posted on October 13, 2009

By Jerome Haller

For 10 years after graduating from college, I earned a decent salary as an office staff person for a downtown company. My duties included answering phones, maintaining office equipment, filing documents, and photocopying paperwork. But the company’s fortunes declined. For first time in my life, I got laid off.
The dismissal initially pleased me. Severance and unemployment benefits helped cushion the blow. I would not miss some of the more immature folks at the old job. I could enjoy some free time while looking for a new position.
But after four months, my feelings changed. A new routine wrecked havoc on my ego; working on my resume, going to the unemployment office, visiting job fairs, and going on interviews. To feel useful again, I took a temp office job. But it lasted only a few weeks. The client couldn’t pay anymore. My confidence had evaporated.

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Posted on October 12, 2009

From The Beachwood Tweetdeck
One in a series.
1. G and I r going to check it out this weekend!! RT @JuicyLA: it doesn’t come out till this weekend! silly goose. are you going w/ the wifey
2. Has anyone seen the new movie Couples Retreat?? Looks great, want to check it out this weekend with the wife!!
3. Just wanted 2 say Thank You 2 everyone who watched season1 of G&B Hope2 see U in Jan when Season 2 begins&we enter a new chapter of R lives
4. Tune into the season finale of Giuliana & Bill TONIGHT at 9/8c on Style Network. Info: http://bit.ly/13f4ms #gandb RETWEET TO WIN!
5. Twitter contest! Please Retweet my next Tweet with #gandb to enter for a chance to win a $200 giftcard! For info click http://bit.ly/bYV8U
6. In Little Rock today 2 give a family in need a financial make over & get them back on their feet. What an amazing feelinggradientgivesback

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Posted on October 9, 2009

By The Beachwood Newspaper Valuation Desk
Just five years ago, what is now known as the Sun-Times Media Group fetched an offer of $900 million. Today Chicago businessman Jim Tyree is in line to buy the STMG for $26 million. Frankly, that’s kind of pathetic. For comparison’s sake:
* Amount Tribune Co. wants to pay top executives bonuses: $66 million.
* Amount the city is giving to United Airlines to move into Willis Tower: $50 million.
* Amount the Cubs signed Milton Bradley to a three-year contract for: $30 million.

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Posted on October 7, 2009