By George Ofman
High energy, second chances points, scoring in the paint, smart lineups, all the starters in double figures, good defense . . . wait. Stop! This can’t be the Bulls? It is! How about that? In beating the Spurs on opening night, the Bulls resembled a half-decent NBA team. Yeah, they clanked some outside shots but they beat San Antonio inside. Now that’s a little more like it.

PLUS: Dr. Dude’s College Football Report

Four of the Bulls next six games are @Boston, @Miami, @Cleveland and Denver. And on November 17th, they begin their annual circus trip including games against the Lakers, Portland, Utah and Denver again. The early portion of the Bulls schedule has been a disaster since Michael Jordan left. Save for the strike shortened ’98-’99, they have managed to produce a winning record only once by the time the silly circus trip ended. Last year they were 8-9. Now that’s progress. Overall, the Bulls record through the circus trip since the ’99-’00 season is 32-103. OY!

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Posted on October 30, 2009

By Mike Luce
I’m happy to report that the Report is going on the road this week. As of Friday, we’ll be in the field gathering background on the UK Wildcats in Lexington, KY. A trip to Keeneland, a local track just outside Lexington, is on the agenda as well. Keeneland, sometimes referred to as the “Wrigley Field of horseracing,” makes up part of a unique tradition in the SEC. For one or two home games each fall, the Wildcats move kickoff into the evening on Saturday night. This is done to allow locals to spend the day at the track. The men deck themselves out in the Lexington uniform: blazers, ties, and khakis, while the ladies suit up in dresses and heels. As a result, the walk up to the clubhouse at Keeneland feels a bit surreal – throngs of well-dressed people spill out the back of trucks, stand around in fields, and swill cheap beer.

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Posted on October 30, 2009

By George Ofman
Ben Gordon is gone, and to the Pistons, no less.
He leaves behind nearly 20 points a game, a solid reputation on and off the floor, and the ability to carry a team in the fourth quarter.

Fantasy Fix: Ditch Forte?

So who replaces the leading scorer who also doubled as your go-to guy?
Better hope the sophomore jinx is just a hoax.
Derrick Rose, come on down! And bring some help. You’ll need it.

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Posted on October 28, 2009

By Dan O’Shea

First, an apology of sorts: Last week, I recommended picking up Julian Edelman, he of the rare QB/WR eligibility, primarily based on the likelihood that he was about to become New England’s third-busiest receiver (which is like being the No. 1 receiver on some teams). However, later in the week, it was revealed that Edelman had suffered a broken arm in the previous game, ruling him out.
Why it took several days for this news to come out I have no idea, though New England Coach Bill Belichick is notoriously stingy with even the most obvious injury information. In any case, scratch Edelman until further notice.
And, while we’re on the subject of unloading dead weight, Week 8, the traditional (if no longer actual) halfway point of the season is a good time to start cleaning house. It may be time to give up on early-round disappointments and borderline sleepers who just haven’t paid off. On the other hand, a couple guys out there who haven’t been delivering may still have a chance to wake up. Here are out Fantasy Fix Action Ratings to give you a few ideas what to do in each case.

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Posted on October 28, 2009

By George Ofman
I’ve now read and heard just about every description about the Bears loss at Cincinnati. Let’s see . . . there is abominable, repugnant, disgusting, miserable, shameful, abysmal, embarrassing, gutless, humiliating, sickening, overmatched (too complimentary for my tastes but I had to include it), pathetic and we sucked!

CFR: The Heisman and HAL

“We sucked” came courtesy of Lance Briggs.
Those descriptions also could describe the people at the top. They’re the ones who chose these Bears. They’re the ones who coach these Bears. And they deserve just as much grief as the players. Maybe more!

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Posted on October 27, 2009

By Mike Luce
This week’s Report is dedicated to Ed Smith, Frank Eliscu, Sam Bradford, SEC officiating, Michigan’s letter of inquiry from the NCAA, and Sam Bradford’s shoulder.
We have reached an important milestone in the college football season. The BCS standings have been out for two weeks. Nearly every team has played at least seven games. The season for some is all but over. Teams such as Illinois (1-6), Louisville (2-5), Maryland (2-6), Vanderbilt (2-6) and Washington State (1-6) can only hope to play spoiler in their remaining games. Some coaches can stir up some plucky wins, or at least moral victories, in tough times. Others seem to have one eye on the indoor driving range. This past weekend saw a number of teams (Mizzou, Louisville, Hawaii) roll over and play dead. Keep an eye on such teams – as being mathematically eliminated (i.e. with no hope of finishing .500 or better) from post-season play can sap all the fight from such heavy underdogs.
Meanwhile, teams such as ‘Bama, Florida, Texas, Boise State, Iowa, Cincinnati and TCU hope to hang on. The phrase “controls their own destiny” will come up a lot in the coming weeks. (I’m putting the O/U at about . . . 900 times.) Each will likely survive at least one close scrape and undoubtedly at least one will blunder into a surprising upset. The Tide and the Gators each avoided huge upsets in the past two weeks. If my sources are correct, only Boise plays unranked opponents for the duration of the season – each of the other teams still must face one (if not two, ahem . . . Cincinnati) teams currently among the Top 25. The BCS standings will come under intense scrutiny as the HAL 9000 works its magic.

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Posted on October 27, 2009

By Jim Coffman
The primary problem with the Lovie Smith coaching philosophy and persona reveals itself in games like Sunday’s Bears debacle at Cincinnati.
Running back Ced Benson’s comments early last week, the ones in which he declined to take any responsibility for his terrible tenure in Chicago, should have been motivational gold.

PLUS: Scheduling Notre Dame

According to Smilin’ Ced, it was the Bears (teammates who were never as supportive as they should have been) and their coaches (who weren’t good at their jobs) who were to blame for the fact that he was one of the all-time Bear busts. And I know everyone considers the source when desperate-for-attention wide receiver Chad Ochocinco blathers on about his own greatness and his competition’s shortcomings. But there was still plenty of material there as well that should have made for more spirited practices leading up to Sunday’s game and given the Bears an extra edge right from the opening kickoff.
But this is the coach who is always cool, who doesn’t let anything disturb his equilibrium. He wants to make sure his team never gets too high or too low and he tries to do so by making sure he never gets even the slightest bit high or low.
Leading up to the game, it was fascinating how Bears beat writers in both papers didn’t make a big deal out of Ochocinco’s comments, Twitter snippets in which he slammed Bears cornerback Charles Tillman and went on and on about his own abilities. They knew Smith wouldn’t (or couldn’t) even try to use the big-mouthed Cincinnati receivers’ words against him.
Sure enough, not only did the Bears not display any extra fire on Sunday in Cincy, they didn’t even achieve an average energy level in the early going. And the situation went from bad to disastrous in a hurry.
Bengal quarterback Carson Palmer was so good Sunday that it might not have mattered how motivated the Bears were. But at least the game might not have been so utterly embarrassing.

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Posted on October 26, 2009

By David Rutter
Charlie Weis memo to Jack Swarbrick: Thanks, pal.
If being Notre Dame’s football coach is one of the least stable jobs in sports, then being the athletic director in South Bend isn’t far behind.
The big red bullseye that has long been on Weis is now also on Swarbrick – and he has no one but himself to blame. As one aggrieved alum wrote on an ND message board: “He put the gun into his own hands and then pointed it to his head.”

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Posted on October 26, 2009

By Eric Emery
In my experience, those who seem to be bat shit crazy are often proven to be bat shit crazy (BSC). At first glance, our favorite hoaxers, the Hennes, are mostly likely BSC. You are a prime candidate for BSC when you appear on Wife Swap. If you build balloons in your backyard, you’re probably BSC. And when you take acting lessons and pitch your reality show in the hopes that American sees how BSC you actually are, you are 100 percent, Grade A, put it on the boarrrrrrd yes, BSC.

PLUS: Ofman: Chip Caray sucks Luce: Ladies hefty

After the Bears lost last week, they are feeling a little BSC themselves. Rather than take responsibility for their untimely penalties and turnovers, the players submitted the following hoax ideas to divert our attention from their own failures.
* OT Orlando Pace is pictured swimming. Team submits picture as proof of the Loch Ness monster.
* WRs Johnny Knox and Earl Bennett start a singing group called Milli Vanilli. They are found to be imposters, of course.
* Bears send e-mails to their next opponent stating that they won $10 million in an Internet Lottery, and that they should submit some small details, such as their name, address, Social Security Number, and upcoming game plan.

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Posted on October 23, 2009

By Mike Luce
First off this week, a SI Cover Jinx Update! Here are the updated records – both straight up (SU) and against the spread (ATS) of the four questionably fortunate teams featured on SI’s college preview issue:
– #12 Oregon (5-1 SU, 4-2 ATS)
– #13 Penn State (6-1 SU, 2-4 ATS)
– #14 Oklahoma State (5-1 SU, 2-2-1 ATS)
– Ole Miss (4-2 SU, 3-2 ATS)
The Report didn’t issue any pre-season predictions (for a variety of reasons, not the least of which was being unprepared) so we shouldn’t criticize . . . but measured against the pre-season rankings, all but Oregon have had a disappointing go of it.

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Posted on October 23, 2009