By Scott Buckner
There’s a point during every network TV season where we’d have little problem throwing up our hands, turning our television sets into fish tanks, and joining the Amish. Or if we were really disgusted about things, become total Luddites living in cardboard refrigerator boxes in the woods next door to the Unabomber’s old hovel. I believe I’ve moved closer to that point with Fox’s More To Love, a reality-contest show about a guy built like a linebacker in search of love and happiness with a woman built like a linebacker.
In this age of political correctness, I’m not exactly sure how to address this show beyond my friend Kathy’s description of, “Holy shit! It’s chubby-chaser TV!” It’s not that there’s anything terribly wrong with giving a national TV audience to a guy like Luke Conley, a real estate developer who proclaims on the show’s promos, “If she’s got a big behind, she’s a friend of mine!” I can see how Luke might think some women might find sentiment like this endearing, but paying homage a woman’s expansive booty even in complimentary ways like this is like saying, “She really fits if she’s got big tits!”

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Posted on July 30, 2009

By Scott Buckner
You’d think after almost 20 years of being on for an hour at the same time every Saturday night, we’d be sick of Cops. But we’re not. Sure, copping is tough business, but I think the real reason why Cops still hasn’t worn out its welcome is because week after week, the show illuminates one enduring, immutable fact:
People are fucking stupid. And boy, do we love stupid people.

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Posted on July 28, 2009

By Scott Buckner
If you’ve been feeling lately like Fox has been neglecting its commitment to the verbal torture of the lazy, the clueless, and the inept, you might be happy to know that Chef Gordon Ramsay is back with a sixth season of Hell’s Kitchen, a show that had become predictable in just about every way ranging from the cheftestants themselves, the head-to-head competitions, and the stinking or menial chores the competition losers are forced to endure.
So why did unappreciative ingrates like me keep tuning in every week? For the gasket-blowin’, meat-throwin’, trash-can-kickin’, bitch-slappin’ verbal abuse nobody else on TV has tried using as a motivational tool since Gunnery Sgt. Hartman met Pvt. Leonard Lawrence and his fellow worthless maggots in Full Metal Jacket.

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Posted on July 24, 2009

1. On the ruling class:

–

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Posted on July 20, 2009

By The Special Guests Publicity Service

While the immense and still growing popularity of reality television has been a surprise in the entertainment industry, the cycle of its evolution has not. Just like with other genres, the proliferation of reality TV seems to be moving producers to push the envelope with each new series . . . hence, programs that seek to glorify or exploit promiscuous behavior, divorce and, though denied by a judge, corrupt Illinois governors.
In the end, however, this sets the stage for originality that is much more positive and uplifting, which is precisely what audiences can expect from Inspired Ambition, a new reality TV series from Cloud Ten Pictures.

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Posted on July 14, 2009

By Scott Buckner
If I’ve learned anything about daytime network TV, it’s that an hour of Cheaters (noon, WCIU-TV 26.1) provides one of the bigger bangs for the buck you’re not spending on cable. If you tuned in last Friday, you were able to witness what was undeniably the best episode of Cheaters ever to be aired in the entire history of Cheaters because it turned into the darkest, most twisted cookie jar any married guy exposed on this show so far could possibly be caught with their hand in.

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Posted on July 13, 2009

To the very end.

Posted on July 3, 2009

By Scott Buckner
I’m adverse to mixing TV and politics (or politics and anything whatsoever), but from what I’ve seen on TV over the past 18 hours, I have little choice.
* * *
I saw the sound bites of President Barack Obama pushing his health care plan on TV, where he reassured the American people: “Don’t be afraid.”
Look, I’m almost 50 years old, so if there’s anything I’ve learned about the federal government, it’s two things: 1) When the president tells you to not be afraid, be afraid. 2) If either house of Congress has anything to do with it, be incredibly afraid.
* * *
This week, NBC’s main network affiliates have been airing the Wimbledon tennis championships – even though really, the Wimbledon championships are about as engaging as dominos or soccer. On the other hand, NBC’s Universal Sports channel has been airing the week-long World Beach Volleyball Championships from, I think, Stavenger, Norway.

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Posted on July 1, 2009