By Eric Emery

Is it an SAT question? A study in probability? No, it’s time to go through the wild card scenarios! Below are the teams that are (barely) eligible, and what needs to happen for each team to make the playoffs.
Team: Philadelphia
Record: 7-5-1
What They Have To Do:
– Learn not to tie.
– Boo Santa Claus just a little more furiously.
– Regain title of “America’s Fattest City.”

Posted on December 12, 2008

Over/Under

By Eric Emery

On June 30th, I wrote an e-mail to two friends stating that the Minnesota Vikings would win their division. After the Vikings 34-14 drubbing of the Bears, my crazy prediction might come true. As a public service, I thought I’d let you all in on other predictions I made on that day.
* Barack Obama will win the presidency and name Hillary Clinton as his Secretary of State. He will proceed to send her on very long diplomatic trips to faraway places, some not even on this planet.
* Problems in the subprime mortgage market will ripple throughout the economy, eventually leading the Big Three automakers to seek a bailout from the federal government. The CEOs will arrive in Washington via private plane.
* After a poor holiday shopping season, the Dow Jones Industrial Average will close at -242.08 in early January. The NFL will force the Tennessee Titans out of the playoffs in the national economic interest and order the following playoff match-ups: the Packers vs. the Jets; the Steelers vs. the automakers; the Colts vs. the Giants; and the Patriots vs. the NFC Pro Bowl team. The Giants and Jets will then play in the Super Bowl. The Lingerie Bowl Championship will be held at halftime.

Posted on December 4, 2008