By Dan O’Shea

It’s Turkey Week, and what’s Turkey Week without a Turkey Bowl? This isn’t the kind where over-aged, overweight men test their weak hearts, weak knees and tender pride on a field of supposed battle. Been there, done that. This is the 1st Annual Fantasy Fix Turkey Bowl, in which we single out biggest disappointments of the year at each position, and try to get a read on the remaining value the rest of the season.
QB
Donovan McNabb: No one would have said it four games ago, but he has been in an epic tailspin since. Derek Anderson might be the bust of the year for some, but he was probably over-rated to begin with. McNabb, meanwhile, has passed for more than 2,700 yards this season, but has thrown 6 INTs and lost 2 fumbles in the last three games. Those of you in single QB leagues may have already gone to back-ups last week. This week, McNabb has a decent chance to right himself against Arizona, but the rest of the season is a minefield against four pretty good pass defenses: the New York Giants, Dallas, Washington and Cleveland.

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Posted on November 27, 2008

By Jim Coffman

I hate previews. No one knows anything about the future NFL games that matter. That’s why pre-game picks so frequently make the pickers look bad (this season started with virtually everyone picking the Colts to beat the Bears and off we went). All we can do is try to honestly assess what happened last game and so far in a given season. So much preview stuff – trying to project what specific units will do against that week’s opposition, noting who’s hot and who’s not, playing up contrived sub-plots, is just oh so lame.
But the Bears’ trouncing of the truly putrid Rams barely mattered. Of course they beat St. Louis – star running back Steven Jackson was out, Adewale Ogunleye mowed down starting quarterback Marc Bulger in the first series (on an actual stunt – nice coaching Bob Babich! You hang in there!) and knocked him out of the game. The offensive line is a shambles, the defense stinks and on and on and on. It was so obvious this was going to happen; just about everyone picked the game correctly (at least without factoring in the spread). So you can’t help but quickly move on to “Will the changes the Bears unveiled against the Rams work at the Vikings next Sunday evening?” But anyone who tries to “break it all down” in front of the Monsters’ next game is either disingenuous or flat out lying. People will pretend to know what’s going to happen, and they will do so in all matter of media, and when it turns out they were completely wrong on Sunday, they’ll just reload and fire away again starting the next day.

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Posted on November 24, 2008

By Eric Emery

What the Bears have in common with Forrest Gump.
Jenny to Forrest: Listen, you promise me something, OK? Just if you’re ever in trouble, don’t be brave. You just run, OK? Just run away.
Lovie to Kyle: Listen, promise me something . . .
*
Lt. Dan: I am living off the government tit! Sucking it dry!
Brian Urlacher: I am living off my contract! Sucking it dry!
*
Forrest: Mama always had a way of explaining things so I could understand them.
Bob Babich to defensive unit: Let me explain the fundamentals of the pass rush one more time.

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Posted on November 20, 2008

By Dan O’Shea

The NBA season is still so young – only in its third week – yet trends both encouraging and discouraging are establishing themselves. For instance, if you ignored point guards in your draft until the late rounds, as I did sort of by accident, you are paying dearly for it. Six of the top 10 players by per-game averages in Yahoo! Fantasy Basketball so far are PGs. That in itself may not be too surprising, but some of the names are:

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Posted on November 19, 2008

By Jim Coffman

With 30-some seconds remaining in the first half, Charles Tillman moved forward with his head up, spread his arms, drove his shoulder into the midsection of the Packer wide receiver who had just made a short reception, and took him down. It was the Bears’ first form tackle . . . of the game. The contest went from embarrassment to utter humiliation in the second half, but the first 30 minutes were worse because not a single Bear could execute the skill upon which all defense is based. As Packer running back Ryan Grant bounced off one pathetic tackle attempt after another (and bounced back from the only memorable hit of the day – Mike Brown’s atomic bomb blast late in the first quarter), he knocked away all the artifice and exposed the Bears defense as it truly is – completely deficient.

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Posted on November 17, 2008

By Eric Emery

Almost the whole country is in love with one buzzword: change. Please ignore the fact that in six months we’re likely to tire of “change,” and we’re going to love “charity,” “respect,” or “temporary tent cities” more. Notice that I stated almost the whole country is in love with “change.” One man hates change: Lovie Smith.
Lovie refuses to change the defensive call to help limit the pass. And Lovie refuses to change the offense so it plays to Rex’s limited strengths and limits the effects of his limitless weaknesses.
After further review, Lovie’s problem is not hubris or obstinance. Lovie simply does not understand ANY meaning of change. Here are some common definitions and Lovie’s understanding of them.
*
Definition: to make the form, nature, content, future course, etc., of (something) different from what it is or from what it would be if left alone: to change one’s name; to change one’s opinion; to change the course of history.
Lovie’s Definition: Lovie is afraid to take a boat trip because of the fear that “the boat will fall off the face of the Earth.”

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Posted on November 14, 2008

By Eric Emery

I’m not one to pimp products. But I must say, the new pancakes at IHOP rock the house. I mean, if I happen to be in the mood for pancakes at 7:30 p.m., I’d eat them, and I’m pretty sure I’d like them. Why am I excited about pancakes I’ve never consumed? A friend from high school is the star of the commercial for said pancakes. So as a good friend, it’s my job to sell a few stacks. But this got me to thinking: what product placement opportunities is the NFL missing out on? Let’s take a look.
*
Opportunity: Al Davis
Advertiser: Circuit City
Why: The intellectually bankrupt should shop at a bankrupt store. Plus, he’s blown all his circuits. Ha ha.
*
Opportunity: Cowboys fans
Advertiser: Soft Surroundings
Why: Banging your head against a brick wall hurts.

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Posted on November 14, 2008

By Dan O’Shea

Fantasy sports are rife with mysteries. No matter how far ahead of the game you think you are, no matter how much you think you know who should play and how many scoring chances they should get, you still are not managing the team on the field or the court. In fact, when you see what some of the field and court managers do, who they choose to play and how many chances they get to touch the ball, you might think you actually know more than they do, or are better prepared.
I won’t say you’re right or wrong about that. Though we fantasy types lack the professional training, sometimes it seems like the professionals are stuck in mode of doing things by the playbook, when a better decision appears to be at arm’s length, if only they reach out for it.

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Posted on November 13, 2008

By Jim Coffman

Never has the conventional wisdom about a defense’s stuffing of an opposing running game automatically leading to an effective assault on the quarterback proven less true than during the Bears’ fourth loss of the season Sunday. As it turns out, if guys can’t rush the passer, they can’t rush the passer, no matter how much the other team throws the ball. Right now, the Bears don’t have anyone who can even invade the signal-caller’s space more than once or twice a game. And while the Titans’ offensive line may be the best in the league right now, their counterparts on the Lions certainly aren’t and the Bears couldn’t mount a sustained rush against them either the week before.

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Posted on November 10, 2008

By Eric Emery

Here’s something we all can agree on: everybody loves a vacation. It’s a good time to kick back and separate from the stress and pressure of everyday life. Sometimes, however, duty calls, tearing you away from your dreamy existence. Now that Rex Grossman’s vacation is over, we got to wondering: what did Sexy Rexy do with his time off?
* Played a tape of Lovie saying “Rex is our quarterback” over and over and over again.
* Totally didn’t read those memos from Ron Turner regarding the game plan.
* Continued to visualize what it took to throw the ball to the opposing team.

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Posted on November 6, 2008