By Dan O’Shea

A week after we suggested no one cares about kickers, NFL booters made us pay by deciding three games in the waning seconds, sending another into OT and factoring heavily in at least six games. By now, everyone in the Chicago area is achingly familiar Week 6’s most prolific kicker, legendary Bronco-turned-Dirty Bird Jason Elam.
Elam kicked 5 FGs, including the literally-last-second 48-yarder, his longest of the day. He now leads Yahoo! Fantasy Football in kicker points, but may have been undrafted or unclaimed in many leagues thus far (still only 34 percent owned in Yahoo! leagues as of late Monday).

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Posted on October 15, 2008

By Steve Rhodes

Now that Dusty is back in a dugout in Cincinnati – and still spouting weird theories that are driving Reds fans nuts – we thought it would be fun to bring The Dusty & Ozzie Show back from its popular run in 2006. After all, Ozzie hasn’t changed either.
*
And now we close out the season on The Dusty & Ozzie Show with this final gem:
No “I” in Ozzie’s Team, but a You, September 26: “Orlando is a big part of this ballclub, and if we’re going to win, we win as a team. If we lose, well, he’s the first guy to look at because he’s the only guy that’s played almost every day.”

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Posted on October 14, 2008

By Jim Coffman

At the end of this one, only the timeless lament uttered most memorably by former tennis great John McEnroe seemed appropriate.
“You cannot be serious!” he surely would have bellowed had he watched the Bears turn a shocking comeback into a ridiculous defeat against the Falcons on Sunday. For the longest time, Atlanta had it all under control. Even when the Bear offense finally finished a drive with a touchdown in the second half, the Falcons had the answer, marching right back down the field to stretch the lead right back out to nine. The Bears scored three more but then the Falcons immediately put themselves in position to do the same.
Then chaos commenced.

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Posted on October 13, 2008

By Eric Emery

Last Sunday, I trod on dangerous ground. I watched the Bears game with four Bears fans. As the only non-Bears fan in attendance, I walked a very fine line. On one side, you must insult them for their taste in teams. On the other hand, too many insults results in you tasting their fist. So here are the dos and don’ts to attending a Bears party:
* Do bring food that is Bears-themed. While they are giving high-fives because of another four-yard run, you’ll get your investment back by drinking their beer.
* Do make sure your food gift is over the top. Consider blue-and-orange frosted cupcakes. Like moths to the flame, while you drink their beer.
* Don’t cheer when the Bears make a good play. You will be forced to high-five. Or, actually, high-ten.

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Posted on October 10, 2008

By Eric Emery

In last week’s Kool-Aid Report, I predicted that Bears fans would reach their highest emotional point of well-being after the Lions game. As predicted, the Bears crushed the Lions. Due to recent hard times for Chicago’s sports teams, though, fans have been a bit rusty in the art of making the “happy sports radio call.” We’re here to help.

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Posted on October 9, 2008

By Marty Gangler

Okay. What is there to say about what happened again in the playoffs? And if you are any sort of fan of The Cub Factor, what is there to say that’s kind of funny about what happened again this year in the playoffs? The only answer is: nothing. There is nothing funny about what happened. But is there hope? Hope sucks. Here is an e-mail exchange I had with a colleague from Boston who is a big Red Sox fan:

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Posted on October 9, 2008

By Dan O’Shea

We join this NFL season already in progress.
So, you figured you’d be too busy watching the Cubs and Sox play their way to a crosstown World Series to pay attention to your fantasy football league draft. You just hoped all the buzz about J.T. O’Sullivan, Ray Rice and Darren McFadden was warranted, and then phoned it in.
Well, we’re coming up on Week 6, and here’s what you’ve missed, position by position:

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Posted on October 8, 2008

By Ricky O’Donnell

Even days later, a lot Cubs fans are still devastated after watching their team get swept in the playoffs against the Dodgers. Really, they should be. This may have been the best Cubs team ever, and to see it all come crashing down in the course of three games is a lot to handle. Even though the team had a great year, it feels unfulfilled. I said last week that all a fan should really hope for out of their favorite baseball team is a division title. Baseball teams are, after all, built to win over the course of 162 games, not five. But it was a little different for the Cubs this year. From the onset it felt like their year. Any fan that is irrationally upset probably deserves to be.
When my White Sox got eliminated last night, I was bummed but not devastated. It’s always disappointing anytime your team’s season ends without a championship, but the Sox were never supposed to be in this situation anyway. While the Cubs’ hopes were sky high from the beginning, the Sox just sort of rolled along. No Sox fan should take this elimination too hard. They still had a really good season.

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Posted on October 7, 2008

By Jim Coffman

It has been a long time since I enjoyed 60 minutes of Bear football more than Sunday’s dismantling of the Lions. And sure Detroit is detritus, but that doesn’t mean they won’t win some games later this season, especially at home (actually, maybe not – their schedule is tough enough that they could eventually open this season with double-digit losses in a row). The Lions were coming off a bye, playing in their dome and they have a quarterback (Jon Kitna) who has proven capable of at least respectable offensive output.

Beachwood Baseball: The Cub Factor will appear when Marty is done mourning. The White Sox Report will appear once the team advances or is eliminated.

But the Bear defense was dominant right from the start and all the way through. It took the offense a while to get going but once it did there was no stopping it. The play-calling was conservative early on and the run game never gained real traction but the Bears were committed enough to pounding away early to open things up for Kyle Orton. And soon enough the fast-rising quarterback just blew the doors off with great throw after great throw. There was one significant screw-up – Devin Hester’s fumbled punt return – the whole game (and when the other team punts eight times, basic probability demands a bobble doesn’t it?) And that didn’t happen until after the Bears led 31-0.
Most importantly, thanks ever so much to Lovie and the guys for quickly changing the subject after the Cubs debacle. The only bright side after the North Siders succumbed so incredibly meekly was that at least they got off the stage before kickoff Sunday.

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Posted on October 6, 2008

By Eric Emery

Here’s the funniest thing I’ve heard about the 2008 Bears:
“The Bears should be 4-0.”
Here’s the news flash: “If my aunt had nuts, she’d be my uncle.”

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Posted on October 3, 2008