Chicago -
By J.J. Tindall
THE GREAT BLACK DIAMOND
At the center
Of the universe, at the center
Of the skyline,
Feminine handiwork.
At the center
Of two long, thick, metallic American thighs,
The Diamond.
At the center
Of miles of thrusting
Phalli, the center
Of the visible universe,
Amidst preening, reaching, grasping, often FAILING
Posted on August 11, 2008
By Stephanie B Goldberg
1. Attention, Chicago police officers: Starbucks has not gotten the memo that you’re entitled to a lifetime supply of free coffee and donuts – actually, scones if we’re talking about Starbucks. Flashing your badge, waving your gun and just generally acting like an ass in hopes of a free lunch will only garner a 15-month suspension, as Officer Barbara Nevers is about to find out. (Hint: next time, try 7/11, Babs.)
2. Oh to be young and stupid again like those 26 Texas cheerleaders who thought it would be fun to stuff an elevator that was designed to accommodate 15 people. Much hilarity ensued but then the teens got stuck inside and called both firefighters and the police to rescue them. Sometimes life is just like a really bad Tommy Lee Jones movie.
Posted on August 9, 2008
By The Beachwood Meetup Affairs Desk
The newest meetups in your area. For reals.
* Anarchist, Mises Greater Chicagoland Meetup Group
* Chicago Mah Jong Meetup Group
* WWE Meetup Group
* The Heart of Success – Networking Circles for Women
* Karaoke at Halftime in Romeoville
Posted on August 6, 2008
By J.J. Tindall
WISH YOU WERE BEER
So: you think you can tell
Heaven from Hell?
Swell!
Do tell.
Your husband
Wants me to help him
Go out and
Get
Laid.
“What a wonderful world!”
Men cave, and then
Cheat.
Men cave men
Posted on August 5, 2008
By The Special Guests Publicity Service
Persecution Potshot!
Attention Christians: Get your faith ready for an ongoing litigious form of harassment as a result of a new precedent set earlier this month in a U.S. District Court. There, a gay activist has filed a multimillion-dollar lawsuit against two Christian publishers for a Corinthians passage that denounces homosexuality. And experts in the Christian camp say it’s likely a sign of things to come.
The man, Bradley LaShawn Fowler of Canton, Michigan, is seeking $10 million from one publisher and $60 million from the other, claiming that the Bible’s reference to homosexuality as a sin “made him an outcast from his family and contributed to physical discomfort and periods of ‘demoralization, chaos and bewilderment’.”
Posted on August 4, 2008
By Stephanie B Goldberg
1. Sharon Stone has been threatened with a $1 billion lawsuit by an enterprising lawyer who, amazingly enough, doesn’t represent the audiences who lost four hours of their lives sitting through Catwoman and Basic Instinct II. According to the New York Post, attorney Ming Hai is acting on behalf of 1,000 Chinese earthquake victims who were offended by Stone’s remark at the Cannes Film Festival that the earthquake that killed 55,000 people was karmic retribution for human rights violations.
2. What’s it like to apply mascara during an earthquake? Possibly something like the effect supplied by Lancome’s vibrating PowerMascara, a bargain at $35. In a stroke of marketing genius, the limited edition was available for one day only and sold out by 6 a.m., because there just aren’t enough sharp moving objects women can put near their eyes.
Posted on August 1, 2008
