By Beachwood Labs

The performances of Carlos Quentin on the South Side and Geovany Soto on the North this season have pushed both into that rare territory for athletes where the public must take control of his nickname. Beachwood Labs has been working on this furiously and its computers have spit out the following possibilities.
1. Carlos “Zambrano” Quentin
2. Carlos “I’m No Longer Rentin'” Quentin
3. The Big Flirt
4. Carlos “Thome Is Washed Up” Quentin
5. Carlos “A Year From Now He’ll Be Pumping Gas” Quentin

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Posted on May 29, 2008

By Jim Coffman

My wife is a big Boston sports fan. So for the sake of happy little bursts of marital bliss I have backed Beantown teams (except when they play their counterparts from Chicago, of course) since I said “I do” coming up on 11 years ago.
For a while there, the satisfaction I took from their success had almost as much to do with Boston’s perennial underdog status as it did my own situation. Late in the 1990s and early in the 2000s, there was a real kinship between Boston and Chicago baseball fans in particular, but really in all sports (the Celtics had been great for a long time but they had struggled for a decade, and the Red Sox and Patriots had been championship-less for just about forever).

Beachwood Baseball: The White Sox Report The Cub Factor

When the Patriots won their first Super Bowl in January of 2002 with that glorious upset of a Rams team trying to win its second in three years, I was fired up. In fact, I was more excited when Adam Vinatieri put that 48-yarder through the uprights on the final play than I had been when the Bears triumphed in 1986 (take it easy Chicago fans – were you really all that excited at the end of Super Bowl XX? The Bears had blown the game open more than an hour earlier).
The only drama at the end of the Bears’ triumph was how the carrying-the-coach-off-the-field ritual would play out, and wasn’t it special when a couple dimwits decided to hoist Buddy “Delusions of Grandeur” Ryan on their shoulders at the same time Ditka was being carried off the field. It was a little bit of sports infamy.
And then there were the Red Sox.

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Posted on May 27, 2008

By Ricky O’Donnell

I think it’s totally rad that the city’s two biggest newspapers have put an emphasis on blogging. After all, people, this is the future.
Writing a blog, obviously, isn’t like straight reporting: you’re supposed to have interesting opinions and give keen observations. Basically, a sports blogger is supposed to write like a fan watching a game at the local tavern would talk.
With that said, Steve Rosenbloom, top blogger for the Trib, went overboard this week.

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Posted on May 27, 2008

By Marty Gangler

As a fan of the Chicago National League ballclub over the years, I have seen my fair share of things.
Things like losing, hopes that are crushed, and more losing.
But this season I am seeing something that I just don’t understand. The Cubs are patient. The Cubs make pitchers work and get into other teams bullpen where the really bad pitchers are. This is no secret this year and people have been talking about it so I’m not breaking new ground here. But seriously, how did this happen so quickly? Did someone pick up each player and move a little switch in their backs from the “swings at everything” position to the “I like walks” position? Is baseball really that mental of a game that things can change that easily?
Apparently the answer is Kosuke Fukodome. He can instill the virtues of patience at the plate by just showing up. And he doesn’t even speak English.
And what I mean by that is that it’s not like he had a big sit down with everyone on the team over a few cases of Old Style tallboys and instilled the wisdom of being patient at the plate. I don’t think that happened. First off, he doesn’t seem like that type of guy, and second he can’t really speak English!
But apparently the Aura of Kosuke has made the team much better offensively. And I think it’s great. But while he’s at it there are a few other things that his Aura should help with. I mean, why the hell not. I know it’s a lot to ask of an Aura but hey, we’ve spent a lot of blood, sweat, beers, and tears rooting for this team over the years and we want a winner. So if it’s not too much trouble, Aura, go spend some time in Alfonso Soriano’s head. Or at least around his glove. Also, make Carlos Zambrano not so angry but instilled with the virtues of meditation and wisdom – those are Eastern philosophies, right? And with what little free time you have left, Aura, please check in with Kerry Wood whenever he’s facing his first batter – if only for the sake of that batter’s health and career.

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Posted on May 27, 2008

By Eric Pytel

Last in a series.
(1) Detroit Redwings vs. (2) Pittsburgh Penguins
First, a quick recap from the prior round:
Detroit steamrolled past Dallas in six games and Pittsburgh blew past Philadelphia in five, setting up a clash of the titans for this year’s Stanley Cup Finals. If anything came out of the brief conference final round it’s the knowledge that these are the two best teams left standing.
On to the feature presentation:
There will be no Cinderella story this time around, just as even a match-up as anyone could ask for. The real winner here is the fan of hockey who will get to see two fast-paced teams that are exciting to watch instead of the clutch-and-grab, bore-you-to-death kind of teams. This is the first meeting of these teams in post-season play, but Detroit will be looking for their 11th Cup, while Pittsburgh is out to get their third. Detroit is as finesse as any team can be with the exception of Pittsburgh – no slouch in that department either.
Let’s take a look at how they stack up.

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Posted on May 24, 2008

It has to be about Chicago baseball this morning doesn’t it? Given the presence of both teams at the top of their respective divisions more than a month-and-a-half into the season? My son asked me Sunday morning, “When was the last time the Cubs and the White Sox were both in the playoffs in the same year?” And there it was, a streak that has lasted even longer than that championship drought we hear about every once and a while on the North Side.

Beachwood Baseball: The White Sox Report The Cub Factor

I mean, sure, it’s been 100 years since the Cubs won, but it’s been a really long time – 102 years – since both teams made the post-season simultaneously. Of course, for the first 69 years of baseball in this century, making the post-season meant making the World Series. And there was only one Chicago versus Chicago World Series. In 1906, the “Hitless Wonder” White Sox, who won the American League pennant despite a league-low .230 team batting average, won the best-of-seven series in six games. During the regular season, the Cubs won 116 out of 154 games for a staggering .753 winning percentage. But that didn’t mean a hill of beans once the World Series rolled around.
The teams haven’t found a way to succeed at the same time ever since, even in the last almost-40-years, when the post-season field doubled, and then doubled again.

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Posted on May 19, 2008

By Ricky O’Donnell

At first glance, there seems to be nothing wrong with this picture, taken from the White Sox’s official website. The team is encouraging fans to vote their favorite players into the All-Star Game, something Sox fans do better than most. And you may as well do your voting now, because the Sox crack promotion staff will surely bombard you from every angle if a Sox player sneaks into that silly Last Man on the Ballot thing. It worked for good ol’ Scotty Pods in 2005, and no one could forget the all-too-clever “Punch AJ” campaign of 2006.

All the usual suspects are in the picture. Paulie, Thome, AJ, and Swisher, just like you’d expect. Juan Uribe is also present, which, of course, totally makes sense. Anytime a guy has twice as many strikeouts as walks and can post an on-base percentage under .270, you have to recognize that.
But someone’s missing.

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Posted on May 18, 2008

By Marty Gangler

I took in Sunday’s game against the Pirates from a left-field rooftop. Here’s how it compared to watching the game from inside Wrigley Field.
SIGHT LINES: From the left-field rooftops you can’t see the left-field warning track, so you can’t see how afraid of the wall Alfonso Soriano is. ADVANTAGE: Rooftop.
CROWDS: Although the rooftop is full of people, it is not as full as Wrigley Field itself. And people suck. ADVANTAGE: Rooftop.
TOILETS: There are no troughs on the rooftops, unless you count the yards below. ADVANTAGE: Rooftop.

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Posted on May 18, 2008

By Jim Coffman

The New York Knickerbockers just hired the coaching candidate, Mike D’Antoni, whom the Bulls most coveted. But that’s OK, we’ve still got Riccardo Muti!

Beachwood Baseball: The White Sox Report The Cub Factor

Muti, of course, is the superstar free agent conductor signed last week by the Chicago Symphony Orchestra to a kazillion-dollar deal to be its next musical director. It was clear the equivalent job at the New York Philharmonic was Muti’s for the taking the past few years, but it was Chicago that closed the deal. Way to go CSO!
* Wouldn’t it be cool if for once in our sports fan lives, one of the caretakers of our beloved teams would step up and take responsibility for what could most charitably be described as a major screw-up? How about it, Jerry Reinsdorf? How about for once acknowledging you blew it and you’re sick about it? It was clear early last week that D’Antoni, the leader of the run-and-gun Suns the past four, playoff-game filled seasons, wanted to be the next coach of the Bulls. And it was clear in the middle of the week that John Paxson was ready to make the hire. But that wasn’t enough for Reinsdorf. He had to interview D’Antoni personally.

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Posted on May 12, 2008

By Ricky O’Donnell

Like most teams, the Sox have been up and down so far this season. The first three weeks of the year gave fans optimism to think maybe this team is really better than most humans and computers expected, while during last week’s six-game losing streak, the season was (obviously) over.
Such is the case for almost every team during baseball’s eternal season. It’s important to remember that small sample sizes are nothing if not deceiving, and that most things find their way back to the mean before long. That has always been one of the first things The Sox Report points out when discussing early season baseball, but, like everyone else, we still often fall into the trap.
Remember our declaration that Nick Swisher was already the Sox best player? Well, we wrote that after he had been on the team for a week. A lot of fans now think Swish is a bum, as he’s hitting all of .200. Of course, that isn’t where he’ll end up in September; sportswriters and fans should remember that.

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Posted on May 12, 2008