Part Three  MySpace   By Leigh Novak

It’s lonely out here.
I’m not complaining, mind you. It’s not like I’m begging for food or wound up on the West Coast because of some sticky situation back in Chicago. My personal laments notwithstanding, I wasn’t exactly fleeing an unstable situation with few options ahead of me.
On the other hand, maybe it would be easier if that was the case. See, I’ve left behind the same bunch of friends I’ve had since elementary school, as well as a loving family who has known me forever, though they’ve always claimed I was simply a visiting alien sent to investigate their Earthly ways.
So yes, things have been a bit rough, emotionally. The effect of being removed from all things familiar and comforting, relatable and defining is astonishing. You suddenly become just you.

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Posted on March 30, 2008

By J.J. Tindall

MIGHTY SANTO AT THE BAT (THE CUBS WILL SHINE IN ’69)
The Outlook was quite brilliant for the Wrigley nine
that day,
my first Official Cubs game and I didn’t have to pay.
The paperboys of Naperville were on their yearly
outing,
Ice cream, hot dogs, popcorn, fanatical screaming and
shouting.
Destined for the playoffs, the Cubs weren’t frightened
of Atlanta,
our fearsome starting line-up felt the Pennant all but
granted.
The pure green field and outfield vines did shimmer in
the sun,
and we paperboys were confident the contest would be
won.

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Posted on March 25, 2008

Part Two  Rebuff   By Leigh Novak

I moved out to Washington about a year ago now, and in that time I have been somewhat quietly absorbing Seattle, taking in all the nuances that I can use against the city in my ongoing efforts to prove to absolutely nobody who cares that Chicago is a far superior urban setting, richer with culture, denser with black people (I miss black people), and what the hell is this puny piece-of-shit skyline anyway? Are we allowed to call it that here? I should not be able to count all the tall buildings on one-and-a-half hands. And where is the logic to this street intertwinement? This is your best excuse for a grid?

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Posted on March 24, 2008

Date Taken: 3/21/08
From: Roscoe Village
To: Wicker Park
The Cab: Clean, uncluttered, refreshingly un-air-freshened. Windows were open despite the dodgy weather, but wouldn’t you know it? The brisk breeze actually proved rather invigorating.

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Posted on March 22, 2008

By The  Special Guests  Publicity Service

Is the True Sabbath Saturday or Sunday?
This Easter, billions of Christians will celebrate resurrection Sunday. But is Sunday the true Sabbath as set forth in the bible?
Jews celebrate Saturday as the Sabbath. So do 7th-Day Adventist Christians.
An excellent article on this topic was published in WorldNetDaily, written by executive news editor, Joe Kovacs, posted March 16, 2008, titled, ““‘Deception’: Christians war over worship day. Centuries-old clash continues over disputed commandment.””

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Posted on March 21, 2008

By J.J. Tindall

THE GOVERNOR’S WHORE
I think that I shall never see a poem nauseating
as a fake, business-arrangement marriage.
Thank CHRIST the truth comes out once in awhile,
like, nauseatingly self-righteous assholes and their
LOUSY, miserable marriages, with which they seize
the moral
high ground, looking down their noses at single men
and women who just happened to decide NOT TO BE
FUCKING MISERABLE . . .

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Posted on March 20, 2008

Dear Laurence Msall:

I am shocked and appalled by your callous disregard for the welfare of the citizens of Cook County. Let’s review:
* Your Civic Federation has long supported transferring management of the Cook County Bureau of Health Services from the Cook County Board of Commissioners to a separate group of actual health care professionals. That goal was finally achieved as a compromise in the Board’s recent 2008 budget agreement, in order to win Commissioner Larry Suffredin’s vote for County President Todd Stroger’s odious increase in the county sales tax.
* The Civic Federation and Friends of the Forest Preserves have just come out with a report advocating that governance of the “beleaguered” Cook County Forest Preserves also be wrenched from the Cook County Board, and handed to a separate elected Forest Preserve board.
* The Civic Federation’s analysis of Stroger’s originally proposed 2008 budget called for “privatizing the delivery of programs or functions for which a competitive private sector exists,” up to and including County print shops.
Trees, sick people, anyone who needs a quick Xerox – these you deem important enough to protect from the villainous Cook County Board. But not the average Cook County citizen? Where is your compassion? Please, Mr. Msall. Don’t leave us behind. The next step for the Civic Federation should be obvious: You must call for the Cook County Board to relinquish its authority to a newly-formed elected body. As your report on the forest preserves put it, “A separate board will allow voters to elect Commissioners on the basis of candidates’ positions, credentials, experience and interest in the forest preserves.” Just take out the “forest preserves” part and insert “welfare of Cook County”.

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Posted on March 19, 2008

Part One  Departure   By Leigh Novak

Maybe the sun will shine today
the clouds will blow away . . .
It was pissing rain when I drove away from Chicago. It felt like a sort of turned-shoulder send-off from my hometown as I headed west with all my life crammed into my two-door hatchback, en route to Seattle. Or maybe it was a fuck you, get used to it type of thing; a nod to the city notorious for rain and depression. All the same, I can accept that, as I sit here and watch the downpour out my window in Washington.

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Posted on March 17, 2008

By The Beachwood Environmentally Friendly Luxury Items Affairs Desk

The following press release announcing advancements by one business owner to make hot tubs more economical and environmentally friendly may be of interest to your audience. Any editorial comment or mention that you may give this press release would be greatly appreciated.
– – –
PORTABLEHOTTUBSNOW.COM GOES GREEN
Dateline: North Tonawanda, NY
Web Address: Portablehottubsnow.com
NORTH TONAWANDA, NY – March 14, 2008 – Portablehottubsnow.com goes green. Bonnie Feltz, owner of portablehottubsnow.com is doing her part to conserve energy and save vital natural resources. Bonnie is looking into providing solar panels, generators and covers, making the hot tubs not only more economical but environmentally friendly.

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Posted on March 14, 2008

By J.J. Tindall

PINDARIC ODE TO EVERETT McKINLEY DIRKSEN
My man: you make Chicago proud.
Nobody, dude, and I mean NOBODY, remembers who you are.
I fucking do:
Horse-trading, WITH CIVILITY,
with LBJ over bourbon,
trading judges for votes.

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Posted on March 13, 2008