Chicago - A message from the station manager

Bear Monday: Saint Feint

By Jim Coffman

Let’s cut right to the chase. What does it mean – all this highly competent football during the past two weeks against teams that had something to play for (the Packers were still alive for overall home-field advantage and the Saints had an outside shot at a wild card) even if the Bears didn’t? The answer, I’m afraid, is not much. The big picture is all that matters at this point, and in the big picture this season sucked. Also, a final few words about last week’s win. Beating the team from an otherwise completely inconsequential small town in Wisconsin does not matter when the Bears can’t even win enough other games to squeak into the playoffs.

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Posted on December 31, 2007

The Blue & Orange Kool-Aid Report

By Eric Emery

So the Bears broke against conventional wisdom and crushed a superior team last week. Could anybody really say that they saw that coming? Perhaps the Bears need 40 mph winds, -1 degrees of wind chill, a third-string QB, and a losing record to play their best. Perhaps the Bears ought to take their unconventional formula further. Here are a few suggestions.
*
1. Tell offensive linemen the snap-count is 30 seconds later than it really is.
2. Require the defense to attend weekly sex-ed classes.
3. Use Devin Hester out of the backfield, duh!

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Posted on December 28, 2007

Hawk TV!

By Jim Coffman

Some hockey games have true grit. The checks are frequent, fierce and finished. Goals are at a premium and the buzz builds and builds as the seconds tick, tick, tick away. The Blackhawks versus Edmonton on Sunday, a contest the Hawks rallied to win 3-2, had true grit. It would have felt right at home in the playoffs.
Wednesday’s game with Nashville’s Predators on the Comcast Network? Not so much. But the Hawks made plays on offense and mustered just enough defense to pull it out. The Blackhawks’ second 5-2 triumph in their last four games was also their fourth straight victory.
Play-by-play man Dan Kelly, Jr. (working the game with analyst Ed Olczyk) noted late in the game that the Hawks were about to record their first such streak since March 31st of 2002. That’s a five-season stretch – and not surprisingly they were five miserable seasons.
There was no shortage of highlights:

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Posted on December 27, 2007

Over/Under

By Eric Emery

With the Christmas season (almost) mercifully behind us, I have an observation: As ridiculous as the NFL hype machine seems to be, the Christmas season makes the NFL look like a tea party with your Aunt Mildred. Gladly Christmas isn’t more like the NFL, because it would look a lot like this:
* Peyton Manning in even more commercials, and also appearing as Santa at your local mall.
* The news measures the health of the economy by finding out how many hot dogs were purchased at the last New York Giants home game.
* The “All-Christmas” radio station changes to “All NFL carols.” The station plays Gloria Estefan signing the favorite “Hark! The Drunken Packers Sing (Glory to the Newborn Favre)”
* Minute-by-minute coverage of Week 17’s action starts in late November.

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Posted on December 27, 2007

Bear Monday: Orton’s Army

By Jim Coffman

I stepped off the shuttle bus at the end of the line just to the west of Lake Shore Drive at 18th Street and caught a glimpse of amazing Soldier Field. It has been said many times, many ways but it still bears repeating: The place most closely resembles – especially when you look at it from the west-southwest – a saucer-shaped UFO hovering mere inches above 80-year-old colonnades built to honor veterans of World War I. World War I! It may be hideous, but it is spectacularly hideous! Is there a more bizarre-looking, prominent sports facility in this great country of ours? I think not! We’re No. 1. We’re No. 1.
After 15 weeks of televised football this fall, I decided to venture out into the elements for Sunday’s contest with the hated Packers. As usual, my timing was impeccable – the Bears played by far their best game of the season and prevailed by four highly satisfying touchdowns. Actually, my timing usually isn’t quite this good. In my only 2005 game at the Field, I watched Carson Palmer and the Bengals give the boys in Blue and Orange a whuppin’.
But that was nothing compared to the single game I took in the year before. That one featured a terrible Redskin team led by Mark Brunell trying oh so determinedly to give the Bears a victory. But good old Jonathan Quinn, the backup quarterback hand-picked by Lovie’s first offensive coordinator, Terry Shea, as just the guy to run his offense, ran it alright – straight into the ground. Ah Terry, you one-year-wonder, we hardly knew ya’. Wherever you are, just remember one thing: Don’t give up. Another recent, ever-so-overmatched Bears offensive guru, Gary Crowton (Dick Jauron’s first guy), is doing just fine these days. He will return to action Jan. 7 directing the offense for . . . possible national champion LSU.
And now, onto . . . the Highlights!

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Posted on December 24, 2007

Calendar Bears

By Green Bay Bill

I’m lovin’ lovin’ how the schedule’s unfurled
No Super Bowl now boys and girls
I’m lovin’ lovin’ how the schedules unfurled
No more Super Bowls in the Bears’ world
San Diego, lose your first game out west
Kansas City, home but your team’s a mess
Dallas, Prime Time Sunday 7:15
Detroit, thank God the Lions, now you’re 1-3

Calendar Bears

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Posted on December 21, 2007

I’m Sammy

By Green Bay Bill

I’m Sammy
Why does the whole country doubt me
I’m Sammy
Now I’m feeling Cubbie blue
I’m Sammy
You know it’s all about me
All I did
Was cork a bat or two

I’m Sammy

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Posted on December 21, 2007

The Blue & Orange Kool-Aid Report

By Eric Emery

With only a few days remaining, many people try to escape the ninth level of hell that is Christmas shopping. You’d be surprised to know that the friends and relatives of the Chicago Bears are no different. Here are some suggestions for those who have a Bear in need of a stocking stuffer.
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Rex Grossman
Gift: A roll of double sided tape.
Why: Not only cuts down on fumbles, but dramatically reduces the number of passes he is able to throw.
*
Cedric Benson
Gift: One-way plane ticket to New York City.
Why: Playing for the Jets will make Thomas Jones look good again while once again creating the illusion that he, too, is a viable starter in the NFL.
*
Bernard Berrian
Gift: Collection of David Letterman’s Top Ten Lists.
Why: Makes Berrian realize that he does not appear on any Top Ten list.

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Posted on December 21, 2007

Over/Under

By Eric Emery

As we travel to various friends and relatives homes for holiday functions this time of year, we might find a television nearby at the same time that an NFL game with playoff implications is being aired. Do you turn the TV on? If you are the host, do you turn your own TV on?
‘Tis the season for tricky holiday football viewing dilemmas. We’re here to help.
* If somebody’s team is playing and he/she is taping the game, you shall not show any football game. Letting your guest see the score of the game is sort of like telling your guest the day in which he/she will die.
* Exception:If the game is the “hometown favorite,” then your guest should have stayed home.
* Exception to the exception: Host shall not show hometown team if said team has been eliminated from the playoffs. Yes, that means you Bears fans.
* If you do watch a game during a holiday function, the game must be played on the best TV in the house.
* The first person to stand during a commercial must offer to get drinks for everyone else.

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Posted on December 20, 2007

The Beachwood Bowl Series

It’s time once again for the Beachwood’s annual inimitable college bowl preview. Let this be your guide.
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Game: The San Diego County Credit Union Poinsettia Bowl
Date: December 20
Teams: Utah vs. Navy
Prediction: Navy is overdrawn. Mormons have momentum. Utah by three touchdowns.
*
Game: The R+L Carriers New Orleans Bowl
Date: December 21
Teams: Memphis vs. Florida Atlantic
Prediction: Those are some mean-ass owls. FAU by eight.
*
Game: The Papajohns.com Bowl
Date: December 22
Teams: Southern Miss vs. Cincinnati
Prediction: The Golden Eagles ought to be more at home here in Birmingham. Besides, they’ve already ordered a few dozen Papa John’s pizzas to the hotel rooms of the Cincinnati players, ensuring a logey opponent with little desire to do anything but sleep. Southern Miss by a polite dozen.

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Posted on December 19, 2007

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