Welcome to The Cub Factor, where the Beachwood Lost Causes Affairs Desk will track the 2007 season of the most ill-fated franchise in the history of professional (and amateur) sports.
Among our reoccuring weekly features this season on The Cubs Factor:
* The Second Basemen Report. The Cubs tend to have a lot of second basemen on their roster at once, most playing out of position. We’ll track their progress and check in with old favorites like Bobby Hill, Todd Walker, and Mickey Morandini.
* Sweet and Sour Lou. Lou opens the season 55 percent sweet, 45 percent sour.
* Mount Lou. Innings until eruption: 36.
* Beachwood Sabermetrics. For example: A heavy statistic analysis indicates that the Cubs tend to lose low-scoring games when the wind is blowing in at Wrigley, and they tend to lose high-scoring games when the wind is blowing out.
* Over/Under. For example, the Over/Under on the number of players used in the two-hole this season is 5.5
* Cubs Blog Review. We’ll bring you best insights from around the Cubsosphere, as best as we can keep up.

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Posted on March 28, 2007

By Michael Raspatello

Your [March 22 – March 28] leisure guide from the Beachwood Sports Desk.
THURSDAY: To Start a Riot/Liven Up the Tourney. Kansas vs. SIU. 6:10 p.m. CBS. If they wanted to make this game really interesting, they’d move it to St. Louis and invite fans from both schools to assemble under The Arch for free Anheuser-Busch products. Then, fence-in the park and sell tickets to the city folk.
FRIDAY: To Roast the Upper Crust/Wonder What a Commodore Is. Georgetown vs. Vanderbilt. 6:27 p.m. CBS. It’s the 2007 Privileged Kid Classic! Take a look around the crowd and try to spot the countless Vandy and GTown faithful that have paid their way out of a DUI or Overdosed Hooker.

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Posted on March 22, 2007

By The Beachwood Olympic Events Affairs Desk

In all the hubbub last week about the city “putting some skin in the game,” the media overlooked a separate agreement reached by local officials and the United States Olympic Committee to Chicagoize the games should they come to our fair city. The Beachwood Olympic Affairs Desk, however, has learned the basic outlines of what’s in store.
* Biathalon: Will consist of 1) Finding a legal free parking space near Wrigley Field and 2) The 5K run from the parking space to the ballpark. In the 10K version, participants will run with cash and try to make it through the grabby Aldermen obstacle course.
* Boxing: Will be replaced by Big-Boxing, wherein participants duke it out in city council trying alternately to block or allow the opening of a West Side Wal-Mart. (Rejected by USOC: Competitive boxing and disposal of shredded aldermanic documents.)
* Demonstration Event: The CTA Burning Tunnel Stair Climb.
* Canoeing: Becomes Condoing. From campaign donation to permit processing to final shoddy construction, new world records are expected to be set.

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Posted on March 12, 2007