CThe Beachwood Fool A Fish  small  sup TM  sup   small  Affairs Desk

Hello Mr. Steve Rhodes:
The following press release about UV Fish Spray may be of interest to your audience. Any editorial comment or mention that you may give this press release would be greatly appreciated.
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EXCITING BREAKTHROUGH PRODUCT FOR FISHERMEN “UV FISH SPRAY” HOOKS 3 TO 4 TIMES MORE FISH
Dateline: January 26, 2007 … Berkeley Springs, WV
Contact: Isbjorn Marketing & Sales, Inc.
Phone: (877)400-6753
E-Mail: luremaster@uvfishspray.com
Web Address: www.uvfishspray.com
Berkeley Springs, WV – January 26, 2007 – For decades, bait and lure companies have conducted tests to find new and better ways of attracting fish to the hook more quickly and more often. A recent breakthrough has been discovered, combining science with fisherman instinct. It’s called Fool-A-Fish ^TM the new amazing UV Fish Spray that is helping fishermen catch three to four times more fish.

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Posted on January 27, 2007

By Natasha Julius

Week 1: Gas Ex Machina
It’s been a week since I broke my fast and there’s one thing I know for certain: eating is really hard work.
I don’t mean just the chewing, although that definitely takes it out of you. I mean the whole experience of swallowing food, digesting it and (hopefully) eliminating the waste products. My first “meal” in more than two weeks was half a banana, and readers, I kid you not: that half banana kicked my ass.

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Posted on January 26, 2007

Date Taken: 1/19/07
From:: River North
To:: Roscoe Village via Bucktown
The Cab: Clean and comfy, with working restraint devices and an open thief window. No radio or cell phone to detract from the experience. Overall, another fine example of Chicago cabbie workplace pride.

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Posted on January 26, 2007

By Maude Perkins

One of the really repugnant things about my corporate coffee chain is that anyone can be hired right into store management. Well, they get hired as “assistant managers” (although they have no power to delegate in the manner that their title would otherwise allow, seeing as how they have never made a latte) and breeze through the process to learn the business in a matter of weeks.
And when I say “the process” I’m talking about earning the barista dues like the rest of us, learning the ropes and what it takes to run an actual coffee shop, as opposed to say, a nail salon or a pizza place. One of my former district managers came from Pizza Hut. So she sorta had some vague idea of what was going on . . . our product was, after all, edible.

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Posted on January 23, 2007

By Maude Perkins

Here we are, two weeks into the New Year, and my resolution to not hate everyone so goddamn much has already gotten a little shaky. Resolutions are only valid through January right? I’m hoping I can de-resolve in February and still feel like I’ve accomplished enough to carry me through the year.
But until then, I am a new person in 2007. You want a latte? Only if I can give you a big smile along with it! You haven’t been enriched today? Then I’m not doing my job! There’s a spill in the Kids’ Corner? Let me get my bucket!
Okay, so I’m not entirely convincing myself either. But I’m working on it. I have enlisted the help of a stress ball, personalized with a Sharpie, “Try not to kill people.” This seems to be a healthy reminder for my day-to-day.

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Posted on January 18, 2007

By Scott Buckner

In a recent contribution to Jargon Chicago, former non-Chicagoan Amber Hussung writes a short essay on the state of morning-commute CTA passengers. “Before I moved to Chicago, a friend from Boston told me that people make a point of looking as miserable as possible on public transportation,” she writes. “I never really believed it. But then I rode the CTA everyday and saw it for myself.”
Not content to let folks like Bob Geldof and the late Fred Rogers corner the market on volunteering helpful ways to improve the world, Hussung closes her essay thusly: “So I propose this: Start a conversation with a complete stranger on the CTA today. After all, it’s an easy way to pass the time, and, slowly but surely, we can bring pleasant back to the commute.”
Silly girl.
Bring pleasant “back” to the commute? I was raised in Chicago, and I’ve had countless encounters with the CTA. Commutes have never been a pleasant undertaking. Not even during the 1960s, when everyone was on dope and had an actual reason to be pleasant. Really, the only commute that remotely resembles the common definition of pleasant would be the Friday evening ride out of the city into Northwest Indiana on the South Shore Line. That’s because a fair percentage of the riders are hooched up.

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Posted on January 16, 2007

By Natasha Julius

Some people start the New Year off with a few poxy resolutions scribbled down somewhere only to be forgotten by February. Me? I’m went on a two-week juice fast.
Day 14: End of the line
Two weeks. 14 days. 336 hours. Sometime tomorrow morning, after I’ve woken up and fed my cats, the great odyssey of my New Year’s fast will come to an end. For the first time in 2007, I will have a solid meal. For all intents and purposes, I’ve made it.
About the only predictable thing about this long trek through a land without food has been its utter unpredictability. So, not surprisingly, today was one of the toughest days of all. My husband and I went to the giant, industrial grocery store down the street this morning to stock up for the week. During the fast, I’ve been doing my shopping at organic markets and haven’t strayed far from the produce section. Being left to wander in a place suffused with the thick smells of detergent and processed food and the subtle flickering of fluorescent lighting was almost too much for me. I became extremely dizzy and disoriented, a feeling that lasted a couple of hours after we’d left.

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Posted on January 14, 2007

By Natasha Julius

Some people start the New Year off with a few poxy resolutions scribbled down somewhere only to be forgotten by February. Me? I’m going on a two-week juice fast.
Day 13: Here’s looking at chew
I went to the grocery store today, not only to buy enough juicables to get me through the next couple of days, but with a mind to stock up for my slow but inevitable return to eating. I dallied in the produce department for ages, eventually abandoning my plan for a broader shop altogether. It suddenly occurred to me that I have no idea how to plan a meal.
When you juice, you don’t have to think about things like flavor, balance, harmony. You don’t have to saute anything or boil or roast it. Whatever you put in your juicer is going to come out the other end tasting vaguely similar to everything else. The idea of making something pleasing to the palate is sort of ridiculous; you drink for nourishment and to cleanse your body. That’s it. In these terms the thought of cooking a meal is kind of disturbing.

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Posted on January 13, 2007

By Natasha Julius

Some people start the New Year off with a few poxy resolutions scribbled down somewhere only to be forgotten by February. Me? I’m going on a two-week juice fast.
Day 12: New World Order
Sometimes in human history, a simple technology upgrade can so drastically alter our worldview that we can’t picture our lives without it. It’s not that we forget the past or don’t look on it with a happy nostalgia; it’s just that we would never – could never – go back to the way things were. Can you imagine how miserable we would be if we still had to use public phones to make phone calls once we left our homes? And suppose no one had ever thought to set up high-speed Internet connections. Why, you might still have to talk to people.
I have survived the past 11 days foodless with the help of a remarkable little machine, a mini-juicer borrowed from my friend Dave. It has served me well, and I will always treasure its memory. Today, however, my world has changed. Today, my new juicer arrived.

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Posted on January 12, 2007

By Natasha Julius

Some people start the New Year off with a few poxy resolutions scribbled down somewhere only to be forgotten by February. Me? I’m going on a two-week juice fast.
Day 11: Bottle Rockets
I’ve talked before about some of the better juicables available to the recreational faster. There’s broccoli, packed full of vitamins and minerals, and beet juice with its wonderful burst of energy. I’ve learned so much in the past 11 days about what juices to blend to get exactly what effect on the body. Sadly, I’ve learned another thing through my random experiments that really throws a wrench into the whole juice-only lifestyle. None of these juices ages well.

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Posted on January 11, 2007