By Eric Emery
During this calendar year, the Emery clan increased by one. This will sound biased, but my nephew J.J. is the cutest baby in the world – and I’m not saying this just because his parents dressed him in the little Roethlisberger jersey I purchased. That was just the right thing to do, because as uncle and guardian of his football development, I’ve declared J.J. a Steelers fan
This Christmas Eve, we spent plenty of time putting words in J.J.’s mouth. Just in case you didn’t know, infants spend an awful lot of time sleeping, eating, and pooping. In between, infants serve as sure-fire entertainment to bridge awkward family silences. So while I’m saying, “Yes, JJ, you love you’re uncle and the Steelers. Yeah, you’re a better quarterback than Roethlisberger,” he’s thinking, “What’s that warm feeling around my butt?”
That’s the beauty of babies.
It’s not much different in the NFL, where announcers spend time putting words in the mouths of players and coaches in order to fill awkward silences. When a linebacker absolutely crushes a wide receiver on a crossing route, you hear “Right here, Zach Thomas says ‘Try that junk somewhere else. Not in my house!'” The truth is closer to “Good. What down is it?”
Because of J.J., I’ve gotten nearly as good as professional football announcers at putting words in other people’s mouths. Let’s give it spin.
* Tiger Woods edges LaDainlan Tomlinson for AP Male Athlete of the Year. “Right here, Tomlinson is saying, ‘I lost to a golfer? What, there weren’t any outstanding bowlers on the list this year?'”
* Jeff Garcia leads resurgent Eagles over Cowboys. “Right here, Garcia is saying, ‘My shrink was right. It wasn’t me, it was the Lions.'”
* Lions’ loudmouth receiver Mike Williams drops a pass in the end zone with time running out to preserve a Bears win: “Right here, Williams is saying ‘I’m just helping my team win . . . the first pick in next year’s draft.'”
Posted on December 28, 2006