Chicago - A message from the station manager

Over/Under

By Eric Emery

During this calendar year, the Emery clan increased by one. This will sound biased, but my nephew J.J. is the cutest baby in the world – and I’m not saying this just because his parents dressed him in the little Roethlisberger jersey I purchased. That was just the right thing to do, because as uncle and guardian of his football development, I’ve declared J.J. a Steelers fan
This Christmas Eve, we spent plenty of time putting words in J.J.’s mouth. Just in case you didn’t know, infants spend an awful lot of time sleeping, eating, and pooping. In between, infants serve as sure-fire entertainment to bridge awkward family silences. So while I’m saying, “Yes, JJ, you love you’re uncle and the Steelers. Yeah, you’re a better quarterback than Roethlisberger,” he’s thinking, “What’s that warm feeling around my butt?”
That’s the beauty of babies.
It’s not much different in the NFL, where announcers spend time putting words in the mouths of players and coaches in order to fill awkward silences. When a linebacker absolutely crushes a wide receiver on a crossing route, you hear “Right here, Zach Thomas says ‘Try that junk somewhere else. Not in my house!'” The truth is closer to “Good. What down is it?”
Because of J.J., I’ve gotten nearly as good as professional football announcers at putting words in other people’s mouths. Let’s give it spin.
* Tiger Woods edges LaDainlan Tomlinson for AP Male Athlete of the Year. “Right here, Tomlinson is saying, ‘I lost to a golfer? What, there weren’t any outstanding bowlers on the list this year?'”
* Jeff Garcia leads resurgent Eagles over Cowboys. “Right here, Garcia is saying, ‘My shrink was right. It wasn’t me, it was the Lions.'”
* Lions’ loudmouth receiver Mike Williams drops a pass in the end zone with time running out to preserve a Bears win: “Right here, Williams is saying ‘I’m just helping my team win . . . the first pick in next year’s draft.'”

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Posted on December 28, 2006

Over/Under

By Eric Emery

The nation’s most important make-believe religious holiday is on Monday. For many fantasy football leagues, the most important make-believe week is Sunday: Your fantasy football championship game. Fantasy football continues to evolve, and I believe these are the most likely additions to scoring systems across the country next year:
HIgh Crimes and Misdemeanors – Earn points each week for arrests, convictions, plea deals and parole violations. Bonus points for amusing mug shots. Likely impact: Bengals and Bears players increase in value.

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Posted on December 20, 2006

Over/Under

By Eric Emery

We all cuss about Christmas presents that need extra accessories. Toys need batteries. Game systems need controllers. Ugly sweaters need someone willing to wear them. But one Christmas gift comes complete with the only accessory it needs: NyQuil and its trusty plastic shot glass. Believe me, the best gift you can give yourself and your cold is a dose of the “sniffling, sneezing, then it takes you and your cold for a woodshed beating” medicine. That’s what I learned last weekend.
And just like listening to Pink Floyd while high delivers insights never gleaned while sober, watching football while dosed with NyQuil opened up a world of insight into some of the game’s largest personalities. To wit:
Bryant Gumbel: Gumbel brings his unexcited and uninformed flair to the NFL Network each week. If you need a three-minute warning to the two-minute warning, Gumble is your guy.

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Posted on December 14, 2006

Over/Under

By Eric Emery

I watched one game in its entirety last week: Tampa Bay at Pittsburgh. That’s because I was there.
As I hinted at last week, I paid way too much for tickets roughly 14 weeks ago. Making matters worse, airline “AA” out of O’Hare chose to cancel my late morning Saturday flight, even though airline “SW” out of Midway chose to fly an hour earlier than my scheduled flight. Last time I checked, O’Hare possesses a normal length of runway to accommodate today’s planes.
So I did what any sports-obsessed fan would do: I threw my stuff in my car and drove. This turned out to be a big problem. Between Chicago and Pittsburgh lies two unremarkable states: Indiana and Ohio. Which is better for the driving sports fan? Here is my analysis.

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Posted on December 7, 2006