By Jonathan Shipley

A weekly roundup from Shipley’s nightstand.
Grading on a Curve
Entertainment Weekly, also known as ew!, averaged the votes of a collective noun of movie critics (a thumb of critics? A balcony of critics? A Goober of critics?) in its December 29th double-issue and the following movies received A-minuses: The Queen, Letters From Iwo Jima, The Departed, United 93, Borat, and Volver. You know, there’s really no pleasing Entertainment Weekly.
Congratulations, You
Time‘s year-end issue congratulated you for being Person of the Year. Congratulations! They looked past the fact that you’re socially retarded and made Dancing With The Stars a hit. I mean, let’s face it: You suck! You haven’t had a date with another country in three years (those booty calls with England don’t count) and you can’t even name your congressman. Well done! Time is impressed! Hit ’em up for dinner and a free subscription while they’re still infatuated.

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Posted on December 26, 2006

By Jonathan Shipley

A weekly roundup from Shipley’s nightstand.
Crazy Profits
According to the December 9th issue of Science News, medications widely prescribed to treat schizophrenia cost hundreds of dollars more each month than older, less-popular medication that provides similar results. “The bottom line is that the old drug is substantially less expensive and no less effective than the new drugs are,” Yale psychiatrist Robert Rosenheck tells the magazine. Just because you’re crazy doesn’t mean the drug companies aren’t out to get you.
The Poop on Face Goop
The January issue of Consumer Reports highlights tests the best wrinkle creams on the market. The verdict? They don’t do much. The wrinkle creams that did negligibly better than their face goop counterparts include Olay Regenerist, Lancome Paris Renergie, and Retin-Ox+. Le Coppertone was not tested, but we sense it would have compared favorably.

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Posted on December 22, 2006

By Jonathan Shipley

A weekly roundup of what’s on Shipley’s periodical table.
Home Office
According to the December issue of Psychology Today, employees do best when they work from home. The magazine cites a study from Rensselaer Polytechnic Institute in New York that found that stay-at-home workers who are connected to the office by phone or Internet feel more trusted and less drained. They also stay longer at their jobs then commuters. And they spend more time surfing for pictures of Angelina Jolie, because she is freakin’ hot.

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Posted on December 14, 2006

By Jonathan Shipley

A roundup.
I’m Empirically Bankrupt. So Are You . . .
In the December issue of Scientific American, there is a short discussion on a study done by political scientist Charles Taber of Stony Brook University (home of the Mighty Brooks), who has been testing whether voters vote based on the pros and cons of arguments (Environmentalist vs. Hater of All Living Things) or emotions (Love vs. Lust), rationalizing the way they voted afterwards. Guess what? “The enlightenment model of dispassionate reason as the duty of citizenship is empirically bankrupt,” he concludes. I guess that explains the tingly feeling I get from Barack Obama.
Can You Stop Writing for Just One Second?
John Updike has a story in the December issue of Harper’s titled “Kinderscenen.” Holy cow, Updike, you write a lot! I wonder what your day is like. Wake up, write for 20 hours, eat porridge, eye doctor’s appointment, write, masturbate, sleep. How many novels have you written? 430? How many short stories? 128,307? How many essays, critiques, haiku poetry? Dude, stop already! If each sentence you’ve written was a mile and each word a spaceship, there’d be a lot of us flying out in space. And space is a scary place for just regular readers like me. Haven’t you seen, Mr. Updike, Mission to Mars and the horrible toll space played on Tim Robbins?

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Posted on December 9, 2006

By The Beachwood Booklist Affairs Desk

Featured “Christmas Super Sale” books from the Human Events Book Service.
1. How the Catholic Church Built Western Civilization/Thomas Woods Jr./$9.95
2. How to Talk to a Liberal (If You Must): The World According to Ann Coulter/Ann Coulter/$9.95
3. The Vast Left Wing Consipracy/Byron York/$9.95
4. The Truth About Hillary/Edward Klein/$9.95
5. Radical Islam’s Rules: The Worldwide Spread of Extreme Sharia Law/Paul Marshall,ed./$9.95

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Posted on December 4, 2006