Costume suggestions from the Beachwood Halloween Affairs Desk.
1. Dennis Hastert. Wear dark sunglasses and bring a cane, a guide dog, and ear plugs in order to further the impression that you couldn’t possibly have known what was going on with Mark Foley. Dress your friends in the same manner so they can come as the rest of the Republican congressional leadership. Break out your old wrestling uniform to charm partygoers dressed as the press. Sample party comment: “Sorry I’m late to the party, it’s all George Soros’s fault.”
2. Red State. Paint yourself in red from head to toe, wear a Dale Earnhardt T-shirt, and carry a bible. Sample party comment: “Pass the pork rinds. Hey – you’re just dressed as a homo, right?”
3. Blue State. Paint yourself in blue from head to toe, wear an NPR shirt, and hand out Planned Parenthood brochures with condoms stapled to them. Sample party comment: “Excuse me, hostess? I couldn’t help but notice that this party isn’t ethnically diverse.”
4. Ann Coulter. A long blonde wig, a short black skirt, and a gigantic chip on your shoulder is all that’s needed to pull off this costume. Sample party comment: “The only reason we’re eating salsa is because the damn liberals let all the Mexicans into the country.”
5. Prince Harry. Remember, you’re not dressed as a Nazi, you’re dressed as Prince Harry dressed as a Nazi. Sample party comment: “Easy on the vodka. I don’t want to get blitz-krieged tonight. Ha-ha.”
Posted on October 26, 2006