Chicago -
I’m thinking about buying an airline.
I mean, I don’t have any debt, so apparently I am in a better financial position than most of our flying companies.
Northwest and Delta are in bankruptcy, for example, and United is just getting out of bankruptcy.
I don’t have a lot of money, but I’m not bankrupt.
So I guess I’m in a position to make an investment.
Posted on February 27, 2006
Everybody seems to want to get into the airlines business these days–because it’s so obviously profitable. There’s Hooter’s Air from the obnoxious restaurant people, Virgin Air from that doofus record store guy . . . I’m sure Starbucks Air is just around the corner, now that they’ve run out of corners. Here are some other airlines we can imagine filling up the skies.
Daley Air: Pals from Bridgeport can get clouted into first class. The mayor, however, is unaware of the passenger list–and has no idea how Angelo Torres became a captain or how the Duff family landed the airplane cleaning contract. Daley Air only flies in and out of O’Hare. So you can’t really go anywhere, but the PR operation is so good you think you have. Smoking allowed.
Posted on February 27, 2006
Date: Feb. 14, 2006
From: Logan Square
To: Roscoe Village
The Cab: Maybe it was a previous fare or maybe it was the driver, but whatever it was, it reeked of patchouli. Seatbelts were tucked into seatfolds and difficult to access.
The Driver: Aside perhaps from the heavy dose of scented oil, pleasant and cordial.
The Driving: The driver took the time to ask our preferred route and followed it without incident.
Overall rating: Three extended arms
– Natasha Julius
Posted on February 25, 2006
Date: Feb. 14, 2006
From: Roscoe Village
To: Logan Square
The Cab: Acceptably clean, although the seatbelts were tucked into the seatfolds and difficult to access.
The Driver: Largely encased in bulletproof glass and listening to rather loud music on the radio.
The Driving: A fairly direct route provided few opportunities for confusion, although the driver failed to hear our request to pull over and wound up executing a risky lane-change from far left to the curb. This apparently flustered him, as he drove off just as another fare arrived on the scene.
Overall rating: Three extended arms
– Natasha Julius
Posted on February 25, 2006
By Timothy Inklebarger
In Alaska, you have to survive a couple of winters before you’re considered more than just a tourist. I had been living in Juneau a little under a year when I had crossed that threshold.
As a transplant from Austin, Texas, I realized something had changed in me when I got the news that the Juneau Kmart, along with more than 300 others across the nation, was going out of business. “Damn! They have the best produce in town,” I thought. I was told the freshness was due to Kmart flying in their fruits and veggies rather than shipping them up on barges. I experienced genuine anxiety over the closing of a store I wouldn’t have been caught dead shopping at when I was a teenager. What was happening to me? Was I a real Alaskan now?
Posted on February 24, 2006
Date: Feb. 5, 2006
From: Wicker Park
To: Roscoe Village
The Cab: It is very easy in this day and age for a cab driver to fake cleanliness. The easiest way is to confuse the issue with scent. Some cabbies drown out any dirtiness with a forest of tiny tree air fresheners. Others allow a million little smells to build up. Is it bleachy or musty? Musty because it was cleaned too much or because it wasn’t actually cleaned at all? There is so much nasal obfuscation that we forget what true cleanliness smells like. Readers, I invite you to step into Cab #1717 and remember. An honest-to-goodness clean vehicle smells natural and calm; it’s like a warm hug from your grandma. And that is how clean Cab #1717 is.
The Driver: I don’t like to waste time, so when I saw that cab #1717 had its Not For Hire lights on I didn’t bother waving at it. I just stood and braced myself for an indeterminate spell of waiting on a chilly February night. Then, like a knight in shining armor, the Driver #1717 pulled over anyway. He was heading home, he said, but couldn’t let my me and my companion wait out in the cold. No cell phone in sight, he regaled us with exciting, genuine, real conversation. And consider this: you’ve probably argued with cabbies over tips before, but how many times were they arguing that you gave them too much? Driver #1717 steadfastly refused to accept my generous tip, forcing money into my hand and insisting I use it for something more important.
The Driving: Safe, proficient, even moderately stylish. The driver of course knew our final address and the most efficient way to get there.
Overall rating: Five extended arms
– Natasha Julius
Posted on February 5, 2006
We will never sell your data. In fact, we don’t even collect it.
Posted on February 5, 2006
