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The White Sox Report

Like most teams, the Sox have been up and down so far this season. The first three weeks of the year gave fans optimism to think maybe this team is really better than most humans and computers expected, while during last week's six-game losing streak, the season was (obviously) over.

Such is the case for almost every team during baseball's eternal season. It's important to remember that small sample sizes are nothing if not deceiving, and that most things find their way back to the mean before long. That has always been one of the first things The Sox Report points out when discussing early season baseball, but, like everyone else, we still often fall into the trap.

Remember our declaration that Nick Swisher was already the Sox best player? Well, we wrote that after he had been on the team for a week. A lot of fans now think Swish is a bum, as he's hitting all of .200. Of course, that isn't where he'll end up in September; sportswriters and fans should remember that.

Yet, if such logic was deployed last season, everyone would have thought the White Sox hitters would have broken out of their early season slump. It never happened and the team lost 90 games, though the majority of the roster had been on 99- and 90-win Sox teams the previous two seasons.

The lesson, as always, is that baseball is completely fucking crazy, and no one ever knows what they're talking about. Not you, or I, or even the great Peter Gammons. And especially not Joe Morgan. Someone should really fire that guy already.

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Week in Review: Really, just a normal week of Ozzie Guillen's White Sox. Simply a 4-3 record, with a little blow-up doll action, a near no-hitter, and some Cubs-bashing sprinkled in. Nothing to see here.

Week in Preview: Interleague play starts already? My how time flies! But seriously, besides the Sox-Cubs series, interleague play is stupid. At least the Sox get to face an abysmal Giants team this week after they play four against the Angels in Anaheim or Los Angeles or Orange County or wherever.

Lineup Shake-Up: So with the Sox struggling to score runs this week, Ozzie Guillen decided to do the sensible thing and shake up the batting order. Like moving up Joe Crede and Carlos Quentin and moving down Jim Thome and Paul Konerko, right? Wrong. Guillen moved the struggling Swisher down in the order, and placed Orlando Cabrera in the leadoff spot. This may seem all well and fine but the stats prove it's completely illogical. The most important number for a leadoff hitter? On-base percentage, of course. While Swisher was slipping a little, his OBP was still .350ish, or some 40 points higher than Cabrera's. Is this as bad as the Cubbies batting masher/free swinger Alfonso Soriano leadoff? Nope. But it's close.

Think Pink: I've always loved the Sox's black uniforms because they remind me of the Raiders. When my beloved Bears play the Raiders, it's kind of scary. I'd like to think that the Sox have a similar effect on opponents. After all, Juan Uribe did kill a guy. Unfortunately, pink goatees have the exact opposite effect. That's less manly than calling your mom for help when you're getting beat up

Who Done It?: Is their any doubt that Swisher was all over this blowup doll biz? I think not.

That's Ozzie: ''We won it a couple years ago, and we're horse[bleep]. The Cubs haven't won in 120 years, and they're the [bleep]ing best. [Bleep] it, we're good. [Bleep] everybody. We're horse[bleep], and we're going to be horse[bleep] the rest of our lives, no matter how many World Series we win. We are the bitch of Chicago. We're the Chicago bitch. We have the worst owner - the guy's got seven [bleep]ing rings, and he's the [bleep]ing horse[bleep] owner.''

Beachwood Sabermetrics: A complex algorithm performed by the White Sox Report staff using all historical data made available by Major League Baseball has determined that Gavin Floyd is maybe, possibly, hopefully for real.

The White Sox Report: Read 'em all.

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RIcky O'Donnell is the most excellent proprietor of Tremendous Upside Potential.

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