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Ebertfest: A Champaign Toast

By Marilyn Ferdinand
The most important guest at Roger Ebert's Overlooked Film Festival this year was Ebert himself.

Posted on April 30, 2007

Cab #3067

Eye candy with a possible side of nose candy.

Posted on April 30, 2007

Seven Simple Machines

By James Finn Garner
If the Chicago Spire is built, the city's skyline will have completed its Seven Simple Machines series.

Posted on April 27, 2007

Name That Abuser!

By Marilyn Ferdinand
The Beachwood Reporter presents "Name that Abuser!" For entertainment and political purposes only.

Posted on April 24, 2007

Perpetual Motion Breakthrough!

By The Beachwood Thermodynamic Affairs Desk
Fortunately, the ancient Egyptian structures have survived for an apparent "eternity," so that this "test" of the perpetual motion concept has been underway for over 4,000 years.

Posted on April 20, 2007

Open Letter

Dear New Skin Cancer Specialist:
You started pointing out various moles on my arm. "I don't like that one. This one is slightly elevated on one side, I don't like that one. That one is uneven, I don't like that. But I can't cut out all of them. I can't make you like Swiss cheese."

Posted on April 17, 2007

Collect Them All: The Greatest Movie Posters Ever

By Marilyn Ferdinand
Stanley Kubrick took as much care with the marketing of all his films as he did with their creation . . . and was there ever a better representation of Erica Jong's zipless fuck?

Posted on April 13, 2007

Barista! The Return of Stupid

By Maude Perkins
I reached behind her stupid bouffant and slammed her face straight into the countertop, hot Americano spilling all about her and scalding her face. Well, that isn't exactly how the transaction ended. Per se.

Posted on April 11, 2007

Cab #324

He was driving a perfect game. Then he made a rookie mistake and everything fell apart.

Posted on April 9, 2007

Crucifest!

By Scott Gordon
An alternative to Easter delusions - but including the Peeps.

Posted on April 7, 2007

Cab #6681

He didn't find the cancer and rape bit on the radio funny in the least, but chuckled at the Holocaust joke. So, you know. Kind of uncomfortable.

Posted on April 6, 2007

Open Letter

Dear Heifer International:
The civil rights movement, for example, has been every bit as divided as feminism in its goals and tactics. Yet I don't recall ever hearing an African-American say, "Oh sure, I support equal rights for blacks - but I'm not one of those civil rights activists!"

Posted on April 3, 2007

MUSIC - Chief Keef Changed The Industry.
TV - Vizio's Best Product Is You.
POLITICS - UIC: Soda Taxes Work.
SPORTS - More McCaskey Malpractice.

BOOKS - All About Poop.

PEOPLE PLACES & THINGS - Don't Let Your Pet OD.


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