By The Beachwood Best Life Affairs Desk
As part of his worldwide media blitz, Gov. Rod Blagojevich said on Monday that he considered naming Oprah to Barack Obama’s vacant U.S. Senate seat. Imagine that.
* Free gifts under senator’s seats every day.
* Introduces legislation calling on all Americans to live their best life.
* New economic package calls for thinking stimulating but non-sexual thoughts.
* Senate anteroom adorned with ancient Chinese scents and clay wind chimes.
* Uses franking privileges to mail her magazine to voters.
* Introduces bill for National Backward Day, requiring all Americans to say and spell everyone’s first name backward.
* Monthly stipend to all senators for colon cleansings.
* Starts booklet club featuring selections from the Federal Citizen Information Center in Pueblo, Colorado. February’s selection: “Menopause and Your Bones.”
* Adopts Obama’s “O” logo but makes it . . . bigger.
* Sponsors legislation establishing National Girlfriend! Day.
* Introduces new “After the Vote” sessions.
* Outlaws yo-yo diets.
* Proposes the Oprah tax on every magazine outside of her own that uses her image on its cover. Revenue would go toward schools in Africa and a new couch.
* Requires all other senators to sign a confidentiality agreement.
– Scott Buckner, Steve Rhodes
Posted on January 27, 2009